Land of Fear
"There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide." John Adams
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An AI expert must use her lifetime's work to find a cure for a rabies outbreak, that threatens to push humanity to the edge of extinction. But can she save humanity from it's greatest threat - itself?
She discovers that the world has been deceived on an unimaginable scale. She realises that only she holds the key to saving humanity, if she can only stay alive long enough... What makes Land of Fear unique, compelling and highly marketable is the fast-paced, action-packed plot, deeply reflective social commentary, sci-fi underpinnings, unexpected ending and familiar yet unique premise. Think CONTAGION meets 28 DAYS LATER meets EX MACHINA. |
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Land of Fear is a horror, action adventure, sci-fi thriller screenplay set in the modern day.
"The writer does a great job of never letting the audience off the hook."
> Click here to request a copy <
(Please note: During it's development, Land of Fear was also known by the working titles American Die and LMOE.)
"The writer does a great job of never letting the audience off the hook."
> Click here to request a copy <
(Please note: During it's development, Land of Fear was also known by the working titles American Die and LMOE.)
Accolades
Here's what the industry thinks -
Quotes from coverage:
“Land of Fear” is an effective and terrifying look at a raging pandemic"
"stark and haunting images" / " epic and immersive script"
"riveting and immersive horror epic" / "chilling premise and plenty of thrills"
"a strong plot, which kept me hooked"
"it draws audiences in with its fast-paced / action-packed plot development, strong lead character, and deeply reflective commentary"
"a masterful sense of tone" / "Eve is a compelling heroine"
"Eve could draw a big name. Smaller roles that could (also) attract talent"
"Kim oozes personality"
"The audience would definitely be along for the ride."
"The writer demonstrates clear skill and aptitude for creating fast paced action"
"the writer showcases an advanced writing ability"
" the writer does a great job of never letting the audience off the hook"
"The dialogue works. There are clever and funny lines, it avoids feeling unnatural"
"The script is packed with strong social commentary"
"thought-provoking and highly marketable premise"
"provides an interesting and advantageous mix of marketing options"
"distinct uniqueness" / "sky-high stakes"
"the writer weaves a theme of social commentary into the fabric of the plot"
"particularly strong premise with solid execution"
"it provides an unexpected and unique conclusion to it's story that allows it to peak above the crowds"
"the ending provides a interesting and unique viewpoint"
"there are nuances of lightness throughout the allow a reprieve from the all out action that pushes the story forward at a strong pace"
"There are a lot of strong pieces here"
"I definitely think this script has potential and deserves a chance"
"Overall the script displays merit and potential"
"overall, this is a well-written script that uses strong visual language"
"a concept that is very popular in the current market, but it injects originality into it, allowing it to shine brighter"
"There is a lot to like here, and there’s a great deal of potential (This is not said lightly)"
Quotes from coverage:
“Land of Fear” is an effective and terrifying look at a raging pandemic"
"stark and haunting images" / " epic and immersive script"
"riveting and immersive horror epic" / "chilling premise and plenty of thrills"
"a strong plot, which kept me hooked"
"it draws audiences in with its fast-paced / action-packed plot development, strong lead character, and deeply reflective commentary"
"a masterful sense of tone" / "Eve is a compelling heroine"
"Eve could draw a big name. Smaller roles that could (also) attract talent"
"Kim oozes personality"
"The audience would definitely be along for the ride."
"The writer demonstrates clear skill and aptitude for creating fast paced action"
"the writer showcases an advanced writing ability"
" the writer does a great job of never letting the audience off the hook"
"The dialogue works. There are clever and funny lines, it avoids feeling unnatural"
"The script is packed with strong social commentary"
"thought-provoking and highly marketable premise"
"provides an interesting and advantageous mix of marketing options"
"distinct uniqueness" / "sky-high stakes"
"the writer weaves a theme of social commentary into the fabric of the plot"
"particularly strong premise with solid execution"
"it provides an unexpected and unique conclusion to it's story that allows it to peak above the crowds"
"the ending provides a interesting and unique viewpoint"
"there are nuances of lightness throughout the allow a reprieve from the all out action that pushes the story forward at a strong pace"
"There are a lot of strong pieces here"
"I definitely think this script has potential and deserves a chance"
"Overall the script displays merit and potential"
"overall, this is a well-written script that uses strong visual language"
"a concept that is very popular in the current market, but it injects originality into it, allowing it to shine brighter"
"There is a lot to like here, and there’s a great deal of potential (This is not said lightly)"
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You can read or download Land of Fear on The Black List.
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'American Die'
6th on the Red List
(as per 13th January 2018)
WHAT IS THE RED LIST?
Coverfly is the industry's largest database of screenplay contest entries and script coverage evaluations, sortable by genre and format, and searchable by vetted entertainment industry professionals. Coverfly connect data from many of the industry's top screenwriting competitions and screenplay coverage sites.
THE RED LIST is a list of the screenplays with the highest Industry Scores.
Professional Coverage:
Apr 2020 (Coverage provider subject to non disclosure):
Genre
Horror, Sci-Fi, Disaster
Logline
A scientist desperately tries to find a cure in a world ravaged by rabies.
Strengths
“Land of Fear” is an effective and terrifying look at a raging pandemic and the desperate measures extraordinary people take to survive in these extreme circumstances. The script sets the high stakes and bleak conditions right from the beginning, when we see a series of stark and haunting images of devastation, such as a <redacted> and an abandoned church painted with the words <redacted>. We’ll see how the world got to this frightening state as we meet Professor Eve Roux, a brilliant and resourceful woman who can play the heroine even in a time when that role seems impossible or obsolete. She’s not always level-headed herself and we see her own desperation, a resonant trait that makes her more compelling and easy to relate to. The epic and immersive script takes us all through the different reactions. We see the violent militia on the ground as well as the corrupt liars at the top. It’s terrifying, as no one has the answers and all roads may lead to the same destination.
Prospects:
"Land of Fear" is a riveting and immersive horror epic with a chilling premise and plenty of thrills. Eve is a compelling heroine who brings a lot to the table. The audience would definitely be along for the ride.
Feb 2020 (Coverage provider subject to non disclosure):
Rating: Consider
Premise 70/100
Market Potential 80/100
Marketing Capability 80/100
Pace 70/100
Visual Ambition/Flair 80/100
Cinematic moments 80/100
Relevance/topicality 70/100
PROJECT OVERVIEW:
LAND OF FEAR is a topical, high-concept medical thriller/ horror film, which creates an effectively tense atmosphere with increasingly dire stakes. The script presents a familiar, yet unique premise of disease outbreak, which manages to draw many parallels to modern society and its associated criticisms. Once the action starts, the writer does a great job of never letting the audience off the hook, keeping an active and compelling pace throughout. The script is packed with strong social commentary.
NOTES:
The disease is not simply killing people, instead, it first sends them through a rabid phase of attacking and biting, which spreads the illness, such as with zombie flicks. It is more action packed than one might expect from a medical thriller, but pleasantly so. It provides an interesting and advantageous mix of marketing options, with the ability to approach it from an action thriller or bleak horror film perspective. Comparable films proved to be both critically and commercially successful. The premise of LAND OF FEAR is certainly a plus in this regard. It is familiar enough to make educated projections about how it might be received by audiences, but with a distinct uniqueness to avoid feeling like we have seen this film before.
Where LAND OF FEAR succeeds most is in creating sky-high stakes. Matters of life and death and the potential extinction of humankind are compelling reasons to stay tuned. Each page feels like it comes with new information and, with this new information, the writer does an excellent job of continually raising the stakes with new antagonistic threats like the <redacted> and the corrupt <redacted>, like <redacted> and <redacted>, and that is just in addition to the growing threat of the zombie-like diseased roaming the streets. The plot developments come at the audience quickly and certainly do not understate themselves, each posing a legitimate challenge. As a whole, the efficient pacing of the script is one of its biggest strengths and goes a long way toward sustaining viewers’ interest.
Looking at it more specifically, the first act is a very strong and an effective set up for the story. From the opening sequence, featuring a football stadium full of corpses (p1), the audience is hooked and understands on a basic level the gravity of the situation. Then after that, we get an early inciting incident (p5). Soon after, the audience experiences its first face time with the new disease, when <redacted> attacks people at the <redacted> (p13-15), which later spurns Eve’s call to action. By the time the first act ends, when Eve accepts her “call to action” by leaving the safety of her home and pursuing a cure with <redacted> (p28), the audience already knows so much vital information. We know Eve’s personal background intimately: She feels limited in her role as a caretaker for her father, Frank (p2). Eve is a Doctor of Artificial General Intelligence (p4). She is infertile and devotes herself to her work instead of starting a family (p4). Her relationship status is questionable and caught between the worlds of <redacted> and <redacted> (p6-7), as well as a more secretive romantic connection to <redacted> (p10). The context of her character is intimately thought through.
In terms of characterization, Eve is strong protagonist, and, most importantly, her actions drive the plot forward.
Another character is <redacted>. At a conceptual level, making the antagonist of a disease outbreak film a <redacted> figure is an excellent choice by the writer and exhibits strong awareness of the real life issues. And he is implemented effectively.
Part of what makes LAND OF FEAR as compelling as it is, is the way the writer weaves a theme of social commentary into the fabric of the plot. As previously mentioned, the role of <redacted> is an excellent example of this. Further examples of commentary include religious extremism, racism,capitalism, and climate change, among other things. Cleverly, they contribute to an overarching theme about the damage done by mankind to mankind and to the planet as a whole. The writer does a nice job of making this messaging come across clearly for much of the film and uses the context of the disease outbreak as a means of making humans be confronted by their wrong doing. In many ways, the crisis brings out the worst in some people, which is a strong message.
Structurally, the film holds up due to strong, foundational plot points. There is a strong inciting incident, with the initial <redacted>, which ultimately materializes in the first attack by a <redacted>. The first act ends at Eve’s call to action, leaving home to help find a cure. There is an impactful midpoint when Eve learns that <redacted>. The second act break, when Eve and company arrive at <redacted>. The third act has two major beats – having the antidote work <redacted>, and then realizing that the virus has mutated and there is <redacted> way to save the human race.
On a technical level, the writer showcases an advanced writing ability. The descriptions are vivid and effective in conveying visuals. The writer does a good job of using “show not tell” methods of developing the plot. Overall, this is a well-written script that uses strong visual language.
CONCLUSION:
LAND OF FEAR presents a thought-provoking and highly marketable premise. It is a success in the way that it draws audiences in with its fast-paced / action-packed plot development, strong lead character, and deeply reflective commentary. Overall, there is a strong story here with a functional structure, built around impactful plot points. It gets a ‘CONSIDER’ because it is a particularly strong premise with solid execution. The writer is on the right track and it is clear their writing ability is adept.
May 2020 (Coverage provider subject to non disclosure):
PLACED IN THE TOP 15%
RATING: CONSIDER
TOP 9%: CHARACTERS
TOP 11%: STRUCTURE
TOP 13%: CONCEPT
C o n c e p t: 8 7 t h P e r c e n t i l e
S t r u c t u r e: 8 9 t h P e r c e n t i l e
C h a r a c t e r s: 9 1 s t P e r c e n t i l e
P l o t: 7 6 t h P e r c e n t i l e
D i a l o g u e: 8 2 n d P e r c e n t i l e
The industry is currently inundated with pandemic / viral outbreak scripts as they are socially relevant and somewhat relatable. This means for spec scripts to stand out, they have to bring some originality or a unique view point. 'Land of Fear' is, at it's core, a stereotypical zombie film but it provides an unexpected and unique conclusion to it's story that allows it to peak above the crowds. Overall the script displays merit and potential.
CHARACTERS
Characters throughout the script are well developed with a sense of individuality and a distinct voice that amplifies that individuality. The protagonist, Professor Eve Roux, is an intelligent and successful woman, clearly driven by what she loves. It is demonstrated early on that Eve also has a heart. The writer has created a strong female lead that doesn't purely focus on being career driven and cold, she has interests and connections outside of work which often gets overlooked when trying to create a stereotypical 'strong' female character. Eve's family connections provide a personal motivation for her throughout the piece but also give her journey emotional peaks and troughs, allowing the audience to relate to her and bond with her. Further characters are solid. Kim oozes personality.
The decision to make the villain of the piece <redacted>, flipping <redacted> from saving humanity to cheating it, is a clever move by the writer and mirrors current societal and political trends, allowing the audience to relate to the story line.
PLOT
'Land of Fear' presents a fairly typical virus / zombie / pandemic horror / action plot line that is interspersed with hints of futuristic science fiction that injects originality. The set up works, as many other films in this genre do. The writer creates a resolute tone to the piece that befits the horror / action sensibilities. There are nuances of lightness throughout the allow a reprieve from the all out action that pushes the story forward at a strong pace.
Kim and Eve's relationship provides an interesting dynamic into the script. They present as a friends with benefits type scenario but there is clearly a stronger bond between them that is tangible to the audience. this is well created by the writer, allowing the audience exposure to a relationship that is in no way typical, but never judged or presented in any light other than it serves what it needs to for the characters involved.
The writer demonstrates clear skill and aptitude for creating fast paced action narratives. The ending provides a interesting and unique viewpoint where our 'hero' doesn't succeed in a traditional sense, but she allows <redacted>. One she herself always dreamed of. This works well to allow the story to come full circle.
STRUCTURE
The script follows a clear linear timeline which is aided by a consequential structure. This allows the audience to clearly identify the narrative and follow the action without confusion or convolution. The writer shows a clear understanding of script construction. There is a minimal use of superfluous narrative tools avoiding over complication.
DIALOGUE
The writer creates natural and organic dialogue with conversations that generally have a rhythmic flow and don't feel like manufactured information dumps. Dialogue helps enhance individual characters.
CONCEPT
The writer takes a stereotypical zombie horror plot and implements original themes such as A.I and sentient technology, and an overall concept that reflect current events, whilst also providing a glimpse into a possible future. A number of themes are explored including sexuality, survival, familial relationships, morality and greed. Each theme has its limelight but never overshadows anything else.
FINAL THOUGHTS
'Land of Fear' utilises a concept that is very popular in the current market, but it injects originality into it, allowing it to shine brighter.
Dec 2017 www.wescreenplay.com:
Rating: Consider
Score: 8.50/10
Category Score
Plot 8.00/10
Characterization 8.00/10
Concept 9.00/10
Format 10.00/10
Voice 8.00/10
Structure 9.00/10
Dialogue 8.00/10
This script definitely has an original concept and establishes the rules of the particular story world/environment early on. You have a strong plot, which kept me hooked throughout the story. I could also tell that a great amount of research went into this project due to the believability and authenticity of each storyline. You also made sure to provide real statistics and research that shows how the disease is spreading rapidly from person to person throughout the story.
You also do a good job of raising the stakes. You also show early on that John’s attempt to get Lizzie a <redacted> backfires when he accidentally gets a <redacted> by mistake. The use of the <redacted> was a good plot that ended up paying off throughout the rest of the story because it led to the demise of the human race.
I also think your description sequences and action lines do a good job of showing rather than telling when it comes to imagery. Since this is a horror script, you made sure to incorporate several “false scares” throughout the story, which helped create suspense and dramatic tension.
CHARACTERS:
ADAM – Adam serves as our narrator throughout the story. I think the use of voiceover with Adam works well because his dialogue isn’t on the nose. His dialogue speaks on what’s below the surface rather than the obvious. I think it works well towards the end of the script when we learn that Adam is connected to Professor Eve Roux when it comes to the plot. We learn later in the script that Adam’s presence is needed, which further explains why he’s narrating the cause and effect of the <redacted> outbreak.
PROFESSOR EVE ROUX – Professor Eve Roux is very established and accomplished in her profession. She’s considered to be the successful daughter compared to her sister Carol, who chose family over career. Eve is often very critical of her sister. Professor Eve Roux is also able to use her intelligence to her advantage when it comes to saving the world from the <redacted> Outbreak. She’s the one who discovers that it’s a <redacted> Outbreak to begin with and she does everything in her power to prevent further damage.
CAROL – Carol is Professor Eve Roux’s sister. She chose family over her career and has a deep resentment toward Professor Eve Roux for her constant criticism. The scene when Carol and Professor Eve Roux argue over who is going to watch over their aging father, DR. FRANK ROUX, is very powerful because it shows their dynamic. Carol also states, “Excuse me for having a family.” She doesn’t hesitate to throw it in Professor Eve Roux’s face that she has a husband and a child while all Professor Eve Roux has is her career and her accomplishments to give her validation.
DR. FRANK ROUX – Dr. Frank Roux is an interesting character because he’s clearly a brilliant man who is going downhill due to his old age. He’s also going downhill when it comes to his memory and mobility, which causes his children to constantly worry about his health and wellbeing. The moment when John <redacted> Dr. Frank Roux is also very powerful because everyone’s worst fear is confirmed.
JOHN – John is Carol’s husband and Lizzie’s father. He’s an overworked father and husband who never really gets time to himself. The scene when Lizzie wakes him up for her birthday shows that he’s the type of father that works so much he hardly has time to see his kids for a good length of time. He also hates to disappoint his daughter. The other scene when everyone discovers that those are <redacted> instead of <redacted> is very powerful because it shows how he let his daughter down, which is something he hated to do. You also provide a great plot twist when it turns out that John is the one who <redacted> Dr. Frank Roux because nobody expects that to be the outcome. Even Eve Roux and Carol are shocked by the revelations of John being <redacted>.
LIZZIE - Lizzie is the daughter of John and Carol. She’s the reason that John goes to get the <redacted> in the first place. Lizzie’s safety and wellbeing also raises the stakes throughout the story because above all else, they want to make sure Lizzie is unscathed by all this turmoil. The scene when she gets <redacted> could be classified as the “all is lost” moment because she’s so young and innocent and nobody wants to see her corrupted before she reaches adulthood.
THE COWBOY – The Cowboy could be classified as the one who started it all. He’s the one who delivered and sold the <redacted> to John in the first place. We also get a hint with the Cowboy that the <redacted> isn’t necessarily normal due to his reaction. When the <redacted> viciously attacks the Cowboy, you provide a sneak peak of what’s to come throughout the story. It turns out that the <redacted> is <redacted>, which makes him a known <redacted> and from then on the disease gets passed around from person to person over the course of the story. We also see how desperate the Cowboy is to make a quick buck because he claims that he has <redacted> for sale, but they are really <redacted>.
PLOT:
The plot of this story is very strong because it combines the element of horror with disease and outbreak. I would definitely classify this story as high concept because the main objective throughout the script is to stop the outbreak and defeat the <redacted>.
I also enjoyed the element of surprise and suspense throughout the script because you created several scenarios that were definitely unexpected. The <redacted> outbreak didn’t just affect Dr. Eve Roux, Carol, Dr. Frank Roux, and John. The outbreak spread throughout the city and the world.
The plot also managed to hook me in from the very beginning because of Adam’s narration. His descriptions and dialogue of what occurred made me want to keep reading to discover what tragic events he was referring to. That particular got my attention because it seemed like the author was trying to say that the epidemic was karma for the human race.
STRUCTURE:
Structurally, your script incorporates a three-act structure with a cohesive beginning, middle, and end. I was successfully able to identify the inciting incident, the act breaks, the midpoint, the all is lost moment, the climax, and the resolution. I think you set up the script where most of the scenes move the story forward and one action leads to the next.
FORMAT/GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Overall, I would say that you have a great handle on screenplay format. I found no formatting mistakes.
You also do a great job with action lines and descriptions. You paint a clear picture of each character so that we get a good sense of who they are as people.
DIALOGUE:
The dialogue throughout the script came across as very authentic and believable, especially Professor Eve Roux’s character. The language she uses shows us that she is extremely educated and well versed in her field and profession of study. You also made sure that each character had their own mannerisms, quirks, points of view, philosophies, morals, and forms of self-expression. None of them came across as carbon copies of one another.
CONCEPT:
The concept of this script could be classified as high concept due to the originality along with the subject matter and the overall plot. This script is definitely plot driven because the main objective is to cure the <redacted> epidemic.
OVERALL: CONSIDER
Overall, I definitely think this script has potential and deserves a chance. I think that your script has a good blend of horror along with <redacted>, which makes for a well-rounded project.
Nov 2017 www.wescreenplay.com:
Voice (99 percentile)
American Die makes a strong statement through its religious and capitalistic themes, paired with a brutal story of the apocalypse. The imagery is striking, and the set pieces often have great visceral effect.
The opening images introduce us to a wide-scale apocalypse in a gruesome, tangible way. John <redacted> on pg. 8 is a delightfully morbid moment, and kicks off the story quickly. The attack as Eve gives a speech on pg. 17 makes for a strong point of no return. The established factors of the <redacted> create extremely high stakes.
The first act establishes clear traits. Frank’s dementia comes across well, while Eve’s determination in caring for him displays independence. The interpersonal
conflicts - John’s spacy-ness, Carol and Eve arguing about Frank - feel authentic. Carol displays challenging wit with “You’ve had twelve months;” while John’s “My daughter’s happiness” is nicely wry. Giving the characters a specific occasion - in this case, Lizzie’s birthday - that brings them together is smart; it allows us to acquaint ourselves with the cast’s backstories
before the horror comes in.
The script’s imagery is striking, particularly in its thematic details. The <redacted> are a unique and disturbing human note. Implicating <redacted> in the villainy makes
a strong statement. The post-apocalyptic state of violence offers a good human antagonist.
American Die is full of compelling themes and disturbing apocalyptic imagery.
Oct 2017 www.wescreenplay.com:
Category Score Percentile
Characterization 7.00/10 (90 percentile)
Concept 8.00/10 (98 percentile)
Format 8.00/10 (99 percentile)
Voice 7.00/10 (91 percentile)
Dialogue 6.00/10 (68 percentile)
Overall Weighted Percentile 81
AMERICAN DIE has a number of strong and compelling pieces and concepts. The themes are interesting, and the allegorical aspects of the story are very good. The <redacted> and imagery that are used throughout the story brings about an extra layer of depth in the script to make it feel much more meaningful than the prototypical <redacted> story. The screenplay… very heavy on “world building.”
Professor Eve is a likable, relatable character. She has a strong, if not difficult, relationship with her elder father, which adds good personality and character to her based on the way she handles herself. She’s very much a family-first type of person, and throughout the story, her loved ones are her driving force. This is admirable, and it works well. The connection she has with Lizzie is built well, and seeing them torn apart on multiple occasions feels significant because of this connection. The way she handles herself when they find James feels directly connected to how things <redacted>, even without that being mentioned in any way – that’s very good writing. Her determination comes across well on the page, and that’s important.
There are a lot of strong pieces here. The airborne outbreak of <redacted> is terrifying and this is mixed well with a lot of good questions about humanity. The fact that <redacted> is really great.
The dialogue works. There are some clever and funny lines, and it avoids feeling unnatural.
The concept of a woman creating <redacted> is very compelling, and the idea of <redacted> holding the <redacted> but being <redacted> is really great.
The “true” concept, in terms of what’s written on the page, is more about surviving <redacted>, which has some degree of intrigue, but it’s not nearly as compelling or original as the other two… very original ideas.
CONCEPT – As mentioned, the concept that’s written is interesting, and there is a market for it. It’s essentially a <redacted> story, which has a lot of fans. The conceptual ideas within here of an <redacted> exploration of the <redacted> and all of that are two steps above <redacted> though.
CASTABILITY – Eve could draw a big name, and there are a number of smaller roles that could attract talent.
There is a lot to like here, and there’s a great deal of potential (This is not said lightly). This is not an easy script to write... the ideas are there. It’s just a very ambitious project. But that’s a good thing."
Jan 2017 @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com "great world building and a very consistent sense of tone. You painted a very engaging picture of the world slowly starting to crumble", "nice attention to detail with the specifics of the outbreak like how the military responded, what viruses mutated together etc." & "a masterful sense of tone".
July 2016 www.wescreenplay.com "You’re off to a good start, and it’s clear that you’re a talented writer", "That isn’t to say that this type of film won’t do well in the market" & "You’re on the right track".
American Die is a horror, action adventure, sci-fi thriller screenplay set in the modern day. A small excerpt and a diary of development can be found below:
Apr 2020 (Coverage provider subject to non disclosure):
Genre
Horror, Sci-Fi, Disaster
Logline
A scientist desperately tries to find a cure in a world ravaged by rabies.
Strengths
“Land of Fear” is an effective and terrifying look at a raging pandemic and the desperate measures extraordinary people take to survive in these extreme circumstances. The script sets the high stakes and bleak conditions right from the beginning, when we see a series of stark and haunting images of devastation, such as a <redacted> and an abandoned church painted with the words <redacted>. We’ll see how the world got to this frightening state as we meet Professor Eve Roux, a brilliant and resourceful woman who can play the heroine even in a time when that role seems impossible or obsolete. She’s not always level-headed herself and we see her own desperation, a resonant trait that makes her more compelling and easy to relate to. The epic and immersive script takes us all through the different reactions. We see the violent militia on the ground as well as the corrupt liars at the top. It’s terrifying, as no one has the answers and all roads may lead to the same destination.
Prospects:
"Land of Fear" is a riveting and immersive horror epic with a chilling premise and plenty of thrills. Eve is a compelling heroine who brings a lot to the table. The audience would definitely be along for the ride.
Feb 2020 (Coverage provider subject to non disclosure):
Rating: Consider
Premise 70/100
Market Potential 80/100
Marketing Capability 80/100
Pace 70/100
Visual Ambition/Flair 80/100
Cinematic moments 80/100
Relevance/topicality 70/100
PROJECT OVERVIEW:
LAND OF FEAR is a topical, high-concept medical thriller/ horror film, which creates an effectively tense atmosphere with increasingly dire stakes. The script presents a familiar, yet unique premise of disease outbreak, which manages to draw many parallels to modern society and its associated criticisms. Once the action starts, the writer does a great job of never letting the audience off the hook, keeping an active and compelling pace throughout. The script is packed with strong social commentary.
NOTES:
The disease is not simply killing people, instead, it first sends them through a rabid phase of attacking and biting, which spreads the illness, such as with zombie flicks. It is more action packed than one might expect from a medical thriller, but pleasantly so. It provides an interesting and advantageous mix of marketing options, with the ability to approach it from an action thriller or bleak horror film perspective. Comparable films proved to be both critically and commercially successful. The premise of LAND OF FEAR is certainly a plus in this regard. It is familiar enough to make educated projections about how it might be received by audiences, but with a distinct uniqueness to avoid feeling like we have seen this film before.
Where LAND OF FEAR succeeds most is in creating sky-high stakes. Matters of life and death and the potential extinction of humankind are compelling reasons to stay tuned. Each page feels like it comes with new information and, with this new information, the writer does an excellent job of continually raising the stakes with new antagonistic threats like the <redacted> and the corrupt <redacted>, like <redacted> and <redacted>, and that is just in addition to the growing threat of the zombie-like diseased roaming the streets. The plot developments come at the audience quickly and certainly do not understate themselves, each posing a legitimate challenge. As a whole, the efficient pacing of the script is one of its biggest strengths and goes a long way toward sustaining viewers’ interest.
Looking at it more specifically, the first act is a very strong and an effective set up for the story. From the opening sequence, featuring a football stadium full of corpses (p1), the audience is hooked and understands on a basic level the gravity of the situation. Then after that, we get an early inciting incident (p5). Soon after, the audience experiences its first face time with the new disease, when <redacted> attacks people at the <redacted> (p13-15), which later spurns Eve’s call to action. By the time the first act ends, when Eve accepts her “call to action” by leaving the safety of her home and pursuing a cure with <redacted> (p28), the audience already knows so much vital information. We know Eve’s personal background intimately: She feels limited in her role as a caretaker for her father, Frank (p2). Eve is a Doctor of Artificial General Intelligence (p4). She is infertile and devotes herself to her work instead of starting a family (p4). Her relationship status is questionable and caught between the worlds of <redacted> and <redacted> (p6-7), as well as a more secretive romantic connection to <redacted> (p10). The context of her character is intimately thought through.
In terms of characterization, Eve is strong protagonist, and, most importantly, her actions drive the plot forward.
Another character is <redacted>. At a conceptual level, making the antagonist of a disease outbreak film a <redacted> figure is an excellent choice by the writer and exhibits strong awareness of the real life issues. And he is implemented effectively.
Part of what makes LAND OF FEAR as compelling as it is, is the way the writer weaves a theme of social commentary into the fabric of the plot. As previously mentioned, the role of <redacted> is an excellent example of this. Further examples of commentary include religious extremism, racism,capitalism, and climate change, among other things. Cleverly, they contribute to an overarching theme about the damage done by mankind to mankind and to the planet as a whole. The writer does a nice job of making this messaging come across clearly for much of the film and uses the context of the disease outbreak as a means of making humans be confronted by their wrong doing. In many ways, the crisis brings out the worst in some people, which is a strong message.
Structurally, the film holds up due to strong, foundational plot points. There is a strong inciting incident, with the initial <redacted>, which ultimately materializes in the first attack by a <redacted>. The first act ends at Eve’s call to action, leaving home to help find a cure. There is an impactful midpoint when Eve learns that <redacted>. The second act break, when Eve and company arrive at <redacted>. The third act has two major beats – having the antidote work <redacted>, and then realizing that the virus has mutated and there is <redacted> way to save the human race.
On a technical level, the writer showcases an advanced writing ability. The descriptions are vivid and effective in conveying visuals. The writer does a good job of using “show not tell” methods of developing the plot. Overall, this is a well-written script that uses strong visual language.
CONCLUSION:
LAND OF FEAR presents a thought-provoking and highly marketable premise. It is a success in the way that it draws audiences in with its fast-paced / action-packed plot development, strong lead character, and deeply reflective commentary. Overall, there is a strong story here with a functional structure, built around impactful plot points. It gets a ‘CONSIDER’ because it is a particularly strong premise with solid execution. The writer is on the right track and it is clear their writing ability is adept.
May 2020 (Coverage provider subject to non disclosure):
PLACED IN THE TOP 15%
RATING: CONSIDER
TOP 9%: CHARACTERS
TOP 11%: STRUCTURE
TOP 13%: CONCEPT
C o n c e p t: 8 7 t h P e r c e n t i l e
S t r u c t u r e: 8 9 t h P e r c e n t i l e
C h a r a c t e r s: 9 1 s t P e r c e n t i l e
P l o t: 7 6 t h P e r c e n t i l e
D i a l o g u e: 8 2 n d P e r c e n t i l e
The industry is currently inundated with pandemic / viral outbreak scripts as they are socially relevant and somewhat relatable. This means for spec scripts to stand out, they have to bring some originality or a unique view point. 'Land of Fear' is, at it's core, a stereotypical zombie film but it provides an unexpected and unique conclusion to it's story that allows it to peak above the crowds. Overall the script displays merit and potential.
CHARACTERS
Characters throughout the script are well developed with a sense of individuality and a distinct voice that amplifies that individuality. The protagonist, Professor Eve Roux, is an intelligent and successful woman, clearly driven by what she loves. It is demonstrated early on that Eve also has a heart. The writer has created a strong female lead that doesn't purely focus on being career driven and cold, she has interests and connections outside of work which often gets overlooked when trying to create a stereotypical 'strong' female character. Eve's family connections provide a personal motivation for her throughout the piece but also give her journey emotional peaks and troughs, allowing the audience to relate to her and bond with her. Further characters are solid. Kim oozes personality.
The decision to make the villain of the piece <redacted>, flipping <redacted> from saving humanity to cheating it, is a clever move by the writer and mirrors current societal and political trends, allowing the audience to relate to the story line.
PLOT
'Land of Fear' presents a fairly typical virus / zombie / pandemic horror / action plot line that is interspersed with hints of futuristic science fiction that injects originality. The set up works, as many other films in this genre do. The writer creates a resolute tone to the piece that befits the horror / action sensibilities. There are nuances of lightness throughout the allow a reprieve from the all out action that pushes the story forward at a strong pace.
Kim and Eve's relationship provides an interesting dynamic into the script. They present as a friends with benefits type scenario but there is clearly a stronger bond between them that is tangible to the audience. this is well created by the writer, allowing the audience exposure to a relationship that is in no way typical, but never judged or presented in any light other than it serves what it needs to for the characters involved.
The writer demonstrates clear skill and aptitude for creating fast paced action narratives. The ending provides a interesting and unique viewpoint where our 'hero' doesn't succeed in a traditional sense, but she allows <redacted>. One she herself always dreamed of. This works well to allow the story to come full circle.
STRUCTURE
The script follows a clear linear timeline which is aided by a consequential structure. This allows the audience to clearly identify the narrative and follow the action without confusion or convolution. The writer shows a clear understanding of script construction. There is a minimal use of superfluous narrative tools avoiding over complication.
DIALOGUE
The writer creates natural and organic dialogue with conversations that generally have a rhythmic flow and don't feel like manufactured information dumps. Dialogue helps enhance individual characters.
CONCEPT
The writer takes a stereotypical zombie horror plot and implements original themes such as A.I and sentient technology, and an overall concept that reflect current events, whilst also providing a glimpse into a possible future. A number of themes are explored including sexuality, survival, familial relationships, morality and greed. Each theme has its limelight but never overshadows anything else.
FINAL THOUGHTS
'Land of Fear' utilises a concept that is very popular in the current market, but it injects originality into it, allowing it to shine brighter.
Dec 2017 www.wescreenplay.com:
Rating: Consider
Score: 8.50/10
Category Score
Plot 8.00/10
Characterization 8.00/10
Concept 9.00/10
Format 10.00/10
Voice 8.00/10
Structure 9.00/10
Dialogue 8.00/10
This script definitely has an original concept and establishes the rules of the particular story world/environment early on. You have a strong plot, which kept me hooked throughout the story. I could also tell that a great amount of research went into this project due to the believability and authenticity of each storyline. You also made sure to provide real statistics and research that shows how the disease is spreading rapidly from person to person throughout the story.
You also do a good job of raising the stakes. You also show early on that John’s attempt to get Lizzie a <redacted> backfires when he accidentally gets a <redacted> by mistake. The use of the <redacted> was a good plot that ended up paying off throughout the rest of the story because it led to the demise of the human race.
I also think your description sequences and action lines do a good job of showing rather than telling when it comes to imagery. Since this is a horror script, you made sure to incorporate several “false scares” throughout the story, which helped create suspense and dramatic tension.
CHARACTERS:
ADAM – Adam serves as our narrator throughout the story. I think the use of voiceover with Adam works well because his dialogue isn’t on the nose. His dialogue speaks on what’s below the surface rather than the obvious. I think it works well towards the end of the script when we learn that Adam is connected to Professor Eve Roux when it comes to the plot. We learn later in the script that Adam’s presence is needed, which further explains why he’s narrating the cause and effect of the <redacted> outbreak.
PROFESSOR EVE ROUX – Professor Eve Roux is very established and accomplished in her profession. She’s considered to be the successful daughter compared to her sister Carol, who chose family over career. Eve is often very critical of her sister. Professor Eve Roux is also able to use her intelligence to her advantage when it comes to saving the world from the <redacted> Outbreak. She’s the one who discovers that it’s a <redacted> Outbreak to begin with and she does everything in her power to prevent further damage.
CAROL – Carol is Professor Eve Roux’s sister. She chose family over her career and has a deep resentment toward Professor Eve Roux for her constant criticism. The scene when Carol and Professor Eve Roux argue over who is going to watch over their aging father, DR. FRANK ROUX, is very powerful because it shows their dynamic. Carol also states, “Excuse me for having a family.” She doesn’t hesitate to throw it in Professor Eve Roux’s face that she has a husband and a child while all Professor Eve Roux has is her career and her accomplishments to give her validation.
DR. FRANK ROUX – Dr. Frank Roux is an interesting character because he’s clearly a brilliant man who is going downhill due to his old age. He’s also going downhill when it comes to his memory and mobility, which causes his children to constantly worry about his health and wellbeing. The moment when John <redacted> Dr. Frank Roux is also very powerful because everyone’s worst fear is confirmed.
JOHN – John is Carol’s husband and Lizzie’s father. He’s an overworked father and husband who never really gets time to himself. The scene when Lizzie wakes him up for her birthday shows that he’s the type of father that works so much he hardly has time to see his kids for a good length of time. He also hates to disappoint his daughter. The other scene when everyone discovers that those are <redacted> instead of <redacted> is very powerful because it shows how he let his daughter down, which is something he hated to do. You also provide a great plot twist when it turns out that John is the one who <redacted> Dr. Frank Roux because nobody expects that to be the outcome. Even Eve Roux and Carol are shocked by the revelations of John being <redacted>.
LIZZIE - Lizzie is the daughter of John and Carol. She’s the reason that John goes to get the <redacted> in the first place. Lizzie’s safety and wellbeing also raises the stakes throughout the story because above all else, they want to make sure Lizzie is unscathed by all this turmoil. The scene when she gets <redacted> could be classified as the “all is lost” moment because she’s so young and innocent and nobody wants to see her corrupted before she reaches adulthood.
THE COWBOY – The Cowboy could be classified as the one who started it all. He’s the one who delivered and sold the <redacted> to John in the first place. We also get a hint with the Cowboy that the <redacted> isn’t necessarily normal due to his reaction. When the <redacted> viciously attacks the Cowboy, you provide a sneak peak of what’s to come throughout the story. It turns out that the <redacted> is <redacted>, which makes him a known <redacted> and from then on the disease gets passed around from person to person over the course of the story. We also see how desperate the Cowboy is to make a quick buck because he claims that he has <redacted> for sale, but they are really <redacted>.
PLOT:
The plot of this story is very strong because it combines the element of horror with disease and outbreak. I would definitely classify this story as high concept because the main objective throughout the script is to stop the outbreak and defeat the <redacted>.
I also enjoyed the element of surprise and suspense throughout the script because you created several scenarios that were definitely unexpected. The <redacted> outbreak didn’t just affect Dr. Eve Roux, Carol, Dr. Frank Roux, and John. The outbreak spread throughout the city and the world.
The plot also managed to hook me in from the very beginning because of Adam’s narration. His descriptions and dialogue of what occurred made me want to keep reading to discover what tragic events he was referring to. That particular got my attention because it seemed like the author was trying to say that the epidemic was karma for the human race.
STRUCTURE:
Structurally, your script incorporates a three-act structure with a cohesive beginning, middle, and end. I was successfully able to identify the inciting incident, the act breaks, the midpoint, the all is lost moment, the climax, and the resolution. I think you set up the script where most of the scenes move the story forward and one action leads to the next.
FORMAT/GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Overall, I would say that you have a great handle on screenplay format. I found no formatting mistakes.
You also do a great job with action lines and descriptions. You paint a clear picture of each character so that we get a good sense of who they are as people.
DIALOGUE:
The dialogue throughout the script came across as very authentic and believable, especially Professor Eve Roux’s character. The language she uses shows us that she is extremely educated and well versed in her field and profession of study. You also made sure that each character had their own mannerisms, quirks, points of view, philosophies, morals, and forms of self-expression. None of them came across as carbon copies of one another.
CONCEPT:
The concept of this script could be classified as high concept due to the originality along with the subject matter and the overall plot. This script is definitely plot driven because the main objective is to cure the <redacted> epidemic.
OVERALL: CONSIDER
Overall, I definitely think this script has potential and deserves a chance. I think that your script has a good blend of horror along with <redacted>, which makes for a well-rounded project.
Nov 2017 www.wescreenplay.com:
Voice (99 percentile)
American Die makes a strong statement through its religious and capitalistic themes, paired with a brutal story of the apocalypse. The imagery is striking, and the set pieces often have great visceral effect.
The opening images introduce us to a wide-scale apocalypse in a gruesome, tangible way. John <redacted> on pg. 8 is a delightfully morbid moment, and kicks off the story quickly. The attack as Eve gives a speech on pg. 17 makes for a strong point of no return. The established factors of the <redacted> create extremely high stakes.
The first act establishes clear traits. Frank’s dementia comes across well, while Eve’s determination in caring for him displays independence. The interpersonal
conflicts - John’s spacy-ness, Carol and Eve arguing about Frank - feel authentic. Carol displays challenging wit with “You’ve had twelve months;” while John’s “My daughter’s happiness” is nicely wry. Giving the characters a specific occasion - in this case, Lizzie’s birthday - that brings them together is smart; it allows us to acquaint ourselves with the cast’s backstories
before the horror comes in.
The script’s imagery is striking, particularly in its thematic details. The <redacted> are a unique and disturbing human note. Implicating <redacted> in the villainy makes
a strong statement. The post-apocalyptic state of violence offers a good human antagonist.
American Die is full of compelling themes and disturbing apocalyptic imagery.
Oct 2017 www.wescreenplay.com:
Category Score Percentile
Characterization 7.00/10 (90 percentile)
Concept 8.00/10 (98 percentile)
Format 8.00/10 (99 percentile)
Voice 7.00/10 (91 percentile)
Dialogue 6.00/10 (68 percentile)
Overall Weighted Percentile 81
AMERICAN DIE has a number of strong and compelling pieces and concepts. The themes are interesting, and the allegorical aspects of the story are very good. The <redacted> and imagery that are used throughout the story brings about an extra layer of depth in the script to make it feel much more meaningful than the prototypical <redacted> story. The screenplay… very heavy on “world building.”
Professor Eve is a likable, relatable character. She has a strong, if not difficult, relationship with her elder father, which adds good personality and character to her based on the way she handles herself. She’s very much a family-first type of person, and throughout the story, her loved ones are her driving force. This is admirable, and it works well. The connection she has with Lizzie is built well, and seeing them torn apart on multiple occasions feels significant because of this connection. The way she handles herself when they find James feels directly connected to how things <redacted>, even without that being mentioned in any way – that’s very good writing. Her determination comes across well on the page, and that’s important.
There are a lot of strong pieces here. The airborne outbreak of <redacted> is terrifying and this is mixed well with a lot of good questions about humanity. The fact that <redacted> is really great.
The dialogue works. There are some clever and funny lines, and it avoids feeling unnatural.
The concept of a woman creating <redacted> is very compelling, and the idea of <redacted> holding the <redacted> but being <redacted> is really great.
The “true” concept, in terms of what’s written on the page, is more about surviving <redacted>, which has some degree of intrigue, but it’s not nearly as compelling or original as the other two… very original ideas.
CONCEPT – As mentioned, the concept that’s written is interesting, and there is a market for it. It’s essentially a <redacted> story, which has a lot of fans. The conceptual ideas within here of an <redacted> exploration of the <redacted> and all of that are two steps above <redacted> though.
CASTABILITY – Eve could draw a big name, and there are a number of smaller roles that could attract talent.
There is a lot to like here, and there’s a great deal of potential (This is not said lightly). This is not an easy script to write... the ideas are there. It’s just a very ambitious project. But that’s a good thing."
Jan 2017 @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com "great world building and a very consistent sense of tone. You painted a very engaging picture of the world slowly starting to crumble", "nice attention to detail with the specifics of the outbreak like how the military responded, what viruses mutated together etc." & "a masterful sense of tone".
July 2016 www.wescreenplay.com "You’re off to a good start, and it’s clear that you’re a talented writer", "That isn’t to say that this type of film won’t do well in the market" & "You’re on the right track".
American Die is a horror, action adventure, sci-fi thriller screenplay set in the modern day. A small excerpt and a diary of development can be found below:
Excerpt from the motion picture screenplay Land of Fear v10.2:
© 2020 Darren White. All rights reserved.
FADE IN:
EXT. U.S. FOOTBALL STADIUM – DUSK
A single, staring eye. Pull back to reveal a young girl, holding a grubby stuffed Mickey Mouse toy, lying on the chest of her equally staring mother. Pull back further to reveal a mass of entangled corpses.
ADAM (V.O.)
People have been predicting the end of the World since
time began.
Dirty corpses cover the entire football pitch. Scattered lying in the seats are thousands of rotting dead.
ADAM (CONT'D, V.O.)
But no one expected it would happen in our lifetime.
EXT. WALMART CAR LOT - DUSK
Endless neatly arranged black body bags wait on the tarmac.
ADAM (CONT'D, V.O.)
I found a cure, but it came too late to save everyone.
EXT. U.S. CHURCH - DUSK
A white wooden church sits surrounded by overgrown grass.Daubed in running red paint are the words "God hates us."
ADAM (CONT'D, V.O.)
It started on a normal day, just like today.
Land of Fear / American Die / LMOE development - diary of a screenplay:
09-May-2020 LoF: I just can't leave it alone! Based on two lots of coverage, I made some small but significant tweaks / corrections. I also added some subtly symbolism in a flash of inspiration. Surely this is the last revision?
03-May-2020 LoF: By now we're deeply into UK Covid-19 lock down, and although I initially thought that the screenplay was dead - over taken by real world events - I eventually realised that perhaps now would be the best time to market it, given it's sudden relevance. So between 30-Apr & 03-May I wrote revision v10.1. I did something I'd been thinking of doing for a long time and changed the ending considerably, with a new twist to replace the old one. I also made a few minor but necessary tweaks & scenes, adding about 3 pages to the length. I included some great foreshadowing and also added back some symbolism that I'd accidentally written out. This is my final version that I'd now be marketing hard.
Mar/Apr-2020: I put LoF to bed and instead worked on re-structuring the next draft of another screen play 'glorious'. I intended to market them together, believing I'd have a better chance with multiple scripts.
24-Feb-2020 LoF: Another two revisions (v8.5 & v9.1) in less than a month. This was the most 'screen craft' draft to date. I decide that I needed to analyse and re-write the script based on the premise and theory of thesis, antithesis & synthesis. I took a while to fully analyse and another while to re-write but I think that it benefited immeasurably from a viewpoint of emotionally based decision making, and that it became more character driven, even within the structure of a 'hero's journey' action plot.
02-Feb-2020 AA / LoF: Two revisions (v8.3 & v8.4) in less than a month and boy were they big! In Jan-20, I finally got around (or got the guts!) to read the revised coverage from a year earlier, and not only was it good, it was helpful. It gave lots of great ideas for adding causality to the plot and really cementing motivations, agency and movement. Draft v8.3 got the new title "American Apocalypse", but it would be draft v8.4 that finally got the title "Land of Fear", taken from a line of dialogue. The plot was tightened, beloved scenes were cut, new linking scenes were added. This was perhaps the most important development period in the whole project.
4-Jan-2020 TLotA: I made a list of all of the notes I'd sent home in the previous nine months or so, then implemented them as draft v8.2. It felt good to write again, but on my terms, with my voice and instincts. For this draft only, the screenplay got a name change to "The Last of the Americans". This draft really, really upped the social commentary. This was huge step forward.
Jan-2019 to Jan-2020: I received the rewritten coverage in Jan-2019, however I didn't read it. I just couldn't handle the possible rejection & criticism. From the end of 2018 until Mar/Apr 2019 I was very ill and utterly unable to write. It's no exaggeration to say that I could have died. I spent the rest of 2019 concentrating on getting better but not writing. Not that I wouldn't think about the screenplay. I sent myself lots of notes to my gmail account during this period, ready for the time when I'd feel well enough to write again. If that ever came.
Dec-2018 AmDie: I planned a huge re-write based on the terrible Nov-2018 coverage criticisms. This would have been a huge change of direction, and not really my vision or voice. I don't think it would have addressed any plot problems, and it just wouldn't have been my screenplay afterwards. Thankfully, I never made any of these questionable changes, due to a mix of being far, far too busy at work and not being in the right mental space to write.
Nov-2018 AmDie: I received some terrible coverage in Nov-2018. It was not just laying into the script, but was also unjust and untrue. It patronised me for mistakes I hadn't made and just proved that the reader hadn't read the script properly, if at all. Not only was it unjust, but it was also unhelpful. At no point did it tell me how to 'correct' any of my mistakes. I complained and eventually got new coverage in Jan-2019 by the same reader. However, it would be almost a whole year before I read it.
05-Nov-2018 AmDie: Eight months, two drafts (v7.1 & v7.2) and about 30 changes. This doesn't sound like much, but this was the time when I researched cliches and tired tropes and made damn sure that my screenplay didn't have them, in fact I overturned a few and went against type, subverting the expectation. I didn't know it at the time, but I also wrote a line of dialogue that would become its new title over a year later. I also cleaned up some obscure formatting mistakes.
11-Mar-2018 AmDie: Three months & two new drafts (v6.1 & v6.2). These just seem to be a long list of coverage notes, including the only feedback from my wife, that I refused to implement. There's only about 10 changes here, although some of it is important.
15-Dec 2017 AmDie: Draft v5.1 completed in about 30 changes in a month and some of them are big. One character changes name & race & got dialogue in his own language. The voice over was reduced & more of that info added into (new) scenes. Added a scene at the start that would be referenced in the denouement. Sharpened Act 1. Added foreshadowing. Important chages.
19-Nov-2017 AmDie: Six months to complete three revisions of the screenplay (v4.1, v4.2 & v4.3) There a 88 changes or improvements here, and looking at my notes, a lot of this is still in the screenplay today (v10.3 10-May-20). This was a really creative & productive time.
15-May-2017 AmDie: I am still working on the script & expect to complete draft v4.0 in the next few weeks. Latest version is with test readers. Diary updates from Jan-17 to May-17 to follow...
07-Jan-17 AmDie: Analysed milestones, only 2 pages over length. (Need to lose 2 pages from Act 2. Check dialogue ending in major milestone scenes.) Tweaked some Eve dialogue. Checking Eve / shortening Act2 - P39
06-Jan-17 AmDie: Tweaked Captain, gave Eve the purgatory line. Gave Clark the throw a rock line.
05-Jan-17 AmDie: Added the Navejo. Removed the pre-boat scene. Cleaned up some of the new scenes.
04-Jan-17 AmDie: Eve dialogue completed. Removed some Eve & Zoe dialogue. Changed revival. Died once today line. Rats. Started Native Americans.
03-Jan-17 AmDie: Car upside down. Changed cross corpse.
01-Jan-17 AmDie: 'Upversioned' to draft 3.3. Changed the doll to Mickey Mouse. Added lots of new notes to self. Eve/Carol added blind man speech & 'legacy' dialogue.
Oct 2016 to Jan 2017: too busy at my day job to work on American Die. Sorry.
16-Oct-16 AmDie: Removed hand held scene. New soldier joke. Re-checking Eve, on p24.
15-Oct-16 AmDie: New intro to Eve. New Clark intro. More Lewis.
08-Oct-16 AmDie: Added Webster REDACTED line.
22-Sep-16 AmDie: Changed a line of Eve's dialogue.
15-Sep-16 AmDie: Completed Eve's dialogue.
13-Sep-16 AmDie: Working through Eve's dialogue, got as far as page 50.
11-Sep-16 AmDie: Changes Eve's last words. Removed a short hand-held scene. All character Decalogue revised except Eve.
05-Sep-16 AmDie: Completed Jaax & Preston.
04-Sep-16 AmDie: Eve clothes white to black. More military slang. Read through Captain.
03-Sep-16 AmDie: Captn Catchphases: REDACTED & REDACTED. Added Military slang. Tweaked John & Eugene dialogue. (#tag & allergies/sprint)
01-Sep-16 AmDie: Having trouble finding unique voices. Made changes to Det Clark. Maybe I need to base them on a person/character? Signed off on Adam, John, Lizzie, Carol, Lewis, Troy, Kim & Zoe.
31-Aug-16 AmDie: Carol done. Troy done. Adam done. John done. Kim done. Lizzie done. Captn done. Frank / Lewis / Webster done. All done.
30-Aug-16 AmDie: Det Clark done. Is this story emotional enough? Use the Truby book to add emotional depth to the end / Eve.
29-Aug-16 AmDie: Eve crosses lines re: vaccine. Geek #1 becomes Eugene. Developed Unity of Opposites. Zoe done. Eugene done.
28-Aug-16 AmDie: Added Clark's no hospital drive. Blindfold Clark. Eve joke epiphany. Eve/Carol REDACTED symbolism. 2 REDACTED left. Eye @ start. John sunglasses. Clark shades eyes. Soldiers metal barricades. Jaax has glasses. Eye patched Captn. Troy & Webster glasses. Clark goggles.
24-Aug-16 AmDie: Zoe goes to climate change. Eve & Kim get REDACTED samples. Ending: Eve waits for REDACTED 2 REDACTED.
19-Aug-16 AmDie: Removed Carol doesn't 'go home' plot hole. Eve stabs REDACTED.
18-Aug-16 AmDie: Tweaked various lines of dialogue. Analysed structure.
17-Aug-16 AmDie: Removed dialogue from soldiers. 109 pages. At end, 1 REDACTED & Eve stabs REDACTED to save REDACTED.
14-Aug-16 AmDie: Finished checking soldiers. Re-read to remove chars, found none.
12-Aug-16 AmDie: Removed a speaking part - gave to Det Clark. Continued checking soldiers. P87
11-Aug-16:
How to Survive the Next Catastrophic Pandemic
This might have gone by the time you read this!
11-Aug-16 AmDie: Corrected John's age & description. Added President Trump. Giving soldiers names & removed one. Up to Page 44.
09-Aug-16 AmDie: Editing recent additions. Change Adam to indistinct. Zoe recognizes Eve? Changing Troy's voice. Cap speaks of hero/villian duality. USAMRIID
08-Aug-16 AmDie: Added business speak to Troy. Eve is now in the office with Troy.
08-Aug-16 AmDie: Checked new finale. Updated as per 2nd coverage. Made Carol more resentful of Eve. Added hand held slug lines. Added pyres to end.
02-Aug-16 AmDie: Feedback from @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com "great world building and a very consistent sense of tone. You painted a very engaging picture of the world slowly starting to crumble", "nice attention to detail with the specifics of the outbreak like how the military responded, what viruses mutated together etc." & "a masterful sense of tone".
02-Aug-16 AmDie: Analyzed 2nd coverage report. Changed title. Changed 1st scene VO.
02-Aug-16 AmDie: Changed the working title of the script from LMOE to American Die. What do you think of the name change?
01-Aug-16 LMOE: New REDACTED and Zoe ending.
31-July-16 LMOE: 1st & 2nd amendments suspended. Save the world becomes change the world. Terrorist attack, in car.
28-July-16 LMOE: Crucified priest. Do we deserve to live? Logo behind Troy. Eve gives Kim the pic she came for. Banner in stream.
27-July-16 LMOE: Removed Lewis' mum, vet & doc. Finished Checking structure.
26-July-16 LMOE: Changed TV lines to highlight REDACTED analogy. Changed TV to a camp REDACTED. Making Acts end with more 'decision points' where Eve has a choice. Done: Act 1, 2a, (check 2b & 3), Checking structure / pacing @ P42
25-July-16 LMOE: Strengthened Eve's decision at the end of Act 2b
22-July-16 LMOE: REDACTED shot down with Stinger SAM
21-July-16 LMOE: Added REDACTED to Troy cabin. Removed board members. Removed Housekeeper.
20-July-16 LMOE: New John takes REDACTED scene. Moved a hook scene to church.108 pages long.
19-July-16 LMOE: Shortened fast scenes until the end. New REDACTED ending. P110
18-July-16 LMOE: Plot conference with proof readers. Shortened copter crash. P85 end of Act 2b
16-July-16 LMOE: Made Kim 'sweary Mary'. P35
15-July-16 LMOE: Added REDACTED to REDACTED's death. P54
14-July-16 LMOE: Beefed up Eve can't go Act1. Shortened the Clark/John shot action, then the Clark stairs action. Added some REDACTED. P46
13-July-16 LMOE: Changes to end of Act 2b. Made the low point more obvious. Changed end of Act 1 - made it more obvious. Mentioned Adam. Added infection VFX to John, sub guy & Clark on the island.
12-July-16 LMOE: Fixed variations on Eve's name. Moved all page numbers to the right. Corrected naked sluglines.
11-July-16 LMOE: Analysed the coverage for changes and potential solutions to problems. Changed Eve's Europe opportunity. Changed Act 2b Eve VO.
11-July-16 LMOE: Thanks to coverage from www.wescreenplay.com the next draft will include character and structure clarifications, a slight pacing correction, a gem of an idea, maybe a new ending, and maybe a unique new genre element.
11-July-16 LMOE: Feedback from www.wescreenplay.com "You’re off to a good start, and it’s clear that you’re a talented writer", "That isn’t to say that this type of film won’t do well in the market" & "You’re on the right track".
10-July-16 LMOE: Made a slight change to the end of Act 1, but it still needs more work.
06-July-16 LMOE: Checked all the milestones. Wrote 3 alternative 1st pages then decided on the best.
06-July-16 LMOE: Submitted draft v3.1 of LMOE to www.wescreenplay.com for pro coverage. I should have it in just 72 hours!
06-July-16 LMOE: Draft v3.1 of LMOE registered with the WGA West Registry, ready to be sent out for pro coverage:
Documentation of Registration
Registrant: Darren White
Author: Darren White
LMOE v3.1
Registration Number: 1849342
MATERIAL TYPE:
FILE NAME: LMOE by Darren White.pdf
EFFECTIVE DATE: 7/6/2016
EXPIRATION DATE: 7/6/2021
Thank you for your registration. Your material has been successfully registered with the WGAW Registry. Registrations are valid for a term of five years and can be renewed upon expiration.
05-July-16 LMOE: I looked up & averaged the margins sizes in inches for US letter paper. I then applied the new margins to v3.1 of the script. I need to print & double check the margins. I then read through the script looking for orphaned lines. It's now 109 pages - perfect! I now just need to check where the various sections now end & update the graphs etc in my notes.
03-July-16 LMOE: Copied LMOE v3.0 to my Kindle to proof read. Not started reading yet.
01-July-16 LMOE: Finished reading through. With the new additions it's 110.5 pages long, so I need to lose at least a page, preferably 3! Will check the margins first before I try to edit any lines out.
30-June-16 LMOE: Last day of changes - Barrel of a gun, want / take father, FAT Test, DC & Eve call, virulent / contagious, overrun base solution, Kim / Eve & her / him, luggage, roof camps. Edited as far as Page 68 out of 110.
29-June-16 LMOE: Still working through the list of changes. They are: Sign on roof. Gangs shoot down chopper. Cave death baptism of fire. Under fire in water. Burnt out building. Corpse gap jump & grab/trip. Eve keeps shoes on. Army, r's, gangs. Carol less weird.
I've extended it all by a couple of pages, so I need to lose at least 1 page. I'm now reading through the script and I've got as far as page 14.
28-June-16 LMOE: Made a number of changes to the latest draft. Without explaining them, they are: Gave the Detective a beard to show the passage of time. Pack mentality. Nurses uniform. Sneeze on sub guy. Tear gas. Confused?
27-June-16 LMOE: Began Draft 3.0 rework. Added four new instances of symbolism. Added a rat lunch box, literally. Added multi-views of one of the last scenes. Added burnt out cars to the start. Made the girls scream at flying bullets. Added gas sign.
26-June-16 Action / Adventure Film & Screenplay Festival confirmed the LMOE submission. Expect to hear back in 3-5 weeks with feedback and results. (That's 17-July to 31-July.)
25-June-16 LMOE: I submitted my "LMOE" action, adventure, sci-fi, horror screenplay to @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com !
23-June-16 LMOE: Glorious v3.0 draft completed & shared for review. Free to start work on LMOE v3.0!
01-June-16 LMOE: Held a really great two hour script review session with my reviewers Neil D & Adam H. I have loads to add to the next draft.
27-May-16 LMOE: Got coverage from my second reviewer, Adam Hughes. Some good stuff here. Thank you.
25-May-16 LMOE: Got my first coverage from Neil Durkin. Some good stuff here.
06/05/16 LMOE: I gave the latest draft to two friends to review.
17/04/16 LMOE: A bit of a sidetrack from working on 'glorious'. In a flash of inspiration I wrote 21 notes to myself of changes for draft 3.0 including a blinding bit of symbolism. I'm just procrastinating now from working on 'glorious'...
09/04/16 LMOE: I made a few changes today based on things I saw when I was printing v2.0 for an editor. Now I'm on to draft v2.1. Actually, I'm going to do something else while I wait for feedback from editors...
06/04/16 LMOE: So I gave my script to 3 friends today. Just waiting for any feedback now...
05/04/16 LMOE: A huge plot hole just occurred to me today. One quick fix later. Then I spent most of the night trying to convert a word / pdf doc into a Kindle .mobi that preserves the screenplay format. This page was useful. Anyone want to read it? Contact me via the contacts page.
04/04/16 LMOE: I made a few plot hole fix changes but I mostly watched the season finale of 'The Walking Dead'. Time to give it to a few friends people for feedback.
03/04/16 LMOE: I finished reading through the pdf version on a tablet. I made about 11 mark-ups / changes. Afterwards I was in a really bad mood because I couldn't tell if it was any good.
02/04/16 LMOE: I just realized that two scenes fail the Bechdel test and it's imperative to the plot that they do. I'll see what I can do but I'm not promising anything. Still, plenty of films pass the test but still aren't exactly feminist paradigms, just see here.
01/04/16 LMOE: I made some minor modifications to Draft 2 Act 3 today, then I quickly re-read about 30 pages from the start. I plan to convert it to a pdf then read it on a tablet & see if I can spot any errors, then I have 8 directives - like look for plot holes - to work through. This could take sometime. Page 0 / 109
31/03/16 LMOE: Finished Act III. I had to rework the act to fit in with earlier changes. I also took lots of dialogue out to get it down to 109 (letter sized) pages. I hope I didn't take too much out. I realized today that this script may not be 'high concept' enough to sell. 'Gladiators vs Zombies' it ain't. I'm really not sure about Act III...
30/03/16 LMOE: A plot hole occurred to me today. When I thought about it, another four occurred to me. I spent today fixing them. I'm going to cryptically call them "Carol not talking", "left knife", "short incubation", "dumpster time lapse" and "dog pack". Am I just putting off editing the last act? Page 90 / 110.
29/03/16 LMOE: Today was a bit of a technical day. I removed some unnecessary transitions, then I went back over Draft 2 Act 1. I took about 0.6 of a page from the whole screenplay (a massive 0.2 'pages' from Act 1!) I noticed that I'm utterly blind to the script quality. I've read it too many times to know if it's any good. Oh well, on wards to Draft 2 Act 3. Page 81/110.
28/03/16 LMOE: I just couldn't leave it. I went back to Draft 2 Act 2, fixed some things - especially the CPR scene - and removed about a page. If I could remove the extra page from the Act 1 then I'd be happy just removing one last page from Act 3. Page 80/111.
27/03/16 LMOE: I've made it to the end of Draft 2 Act 2! It took a monster effort, but I'm finally there. It's a page or two too long, and subsequently Act 3 is about 3.5 pages too long, but I'll get to the end and then come back to fix it. I wrote an incorrect CPR scene and it's bugging me. Anyway it's 2:35am on Easter Monday and time for bed. Page 81/111.
26/03/16 LMOE: Added a new scene at the start, changed a few small things, tightened some dialogue and cut out a page worth. Page 75/112.
23/03/16 LMOE: Fixed a couple of minor plot holes. Then had a stab at the new scene I had to write. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. The only problem is that I added the two removed pages back in. Still more to do. Currently on page 76/112.
21/03/16 LMOE: Edited about 11 pages then stopped when I got to writing a new scene. I also have to lose a few pages. Not my finest days work.
17/03/16 LMOE: Today I re-read the first 53 pages (Act 1 & 1st half of Act 2) in one 30 minute session and made some corrections & tweaks. Hhmm, I'm not sure if it actually hangs together, or if it's too abrupt. I'll wait until I can read the whole thing in one go to decide that.
16/03/16 LMOE: All I did today was to make a few (very important) tweaks - I love it when one word can add a whole new level of meaning or ambiguity - and a lot of new notes to myself in Acts 2 & 3. I left a reminder to myself in the script. It simply says, "Are you proud of every scene? Put the work in!" Good advice indeed.
15/03/16 LMOE: I did nothing today but note the page numbers of the remaining 18 beats & milestones. I've got to lose about 2.5 pages of the 30 pages of Act 2, Part 2 and then a further 2 pages from Act 3 (currently about 29 pages). I know roughly where the Act 2 edits are, but I've got no idea how I'm going to add scenes and still lose 2 pages.
14/03/16 LMOE: I've got to the end of editing Act 2, Part 1 (page 53). I still don't think this is the last I'll work on this. This section is just too darn important.
09/03/16 LMOE: I've got to the end of editing a really, really important scene, but I'm not at all happy with it. I'm now about 50 pages into it (23 into Act 2) but I feel I'll be going over and over these last 10 & next 2 pages over and over again...
08/03/16 LMOE: I've edited about another 10 pages into Act 2, part 1, with the first run through the two of the three plot points done. There's less "add jeopardy" comments now, but I have marked the really pivotal next section as "This section is a mess. Not clear." I also have a add a re-occurring character into the scene. Tricky.
07/03/16 LMOE: 17 pages into Act 2, part 1, with about another 10 to go to finish the first plot point. I've swapped this whole section with the original Act 2 start, so there's quite a lot of continuity to change. I've also had to add an important new scene to make this draft make sense. Hard work. I've also written "Add Jeopardy" in red all other these pages, so there's more work to be done!
03/03/16 LMOE: I've got LMOE Draft 2, Act 1 down to 27.9 pages (0.9 pages too long) but I'm going to leave it there for now and move on, because I just can't lose that extra page. All my beats and milestones land spot on, with the exception of the Act end. I've spent a month on those 28 pages. Time to move on...
02/03/16 LMOE: A few words on how much writing I get to do. This is it: my lunch hour and a few hours in the evening before I get too tired. That's it. No wonder it takes so long.
01/03/16 LMOE: I've finished LMOE Draft 2, Act 1 but it's way too long - by about 3 pages. Edit time. Remember, don't get it right, get it written!
28/02/16: Still re-writing LMOE Draft 2. This is hard... I've been writing and re-writing the first 17 pages for three weeks, but I finally think I've finished it! Just 10 more pages to re-write and Draft 2, Act 1 is done!
22/02/16 LMOE: May have completed the first half of the re-write of LMOE Act 1 v2.0, but it's way too long. More editing.
01/02/16: Begun the mammoth LMOE re-write process.
31/01/16: Completed the analysis & re-plotting of LMOE Draft 2 v2.0. I now have a working analysis and structure of modern movies that I can re-use for all future screenplays.
21/01/16: Editing and feedback of LMOE Draft v1.0 is stopped. I've realized that the first draft as written (as a series of interconnected stand-alone stories, each representing a different movie style) lacks the necessary emotional depth. Begun a re-plot of it with a single protagonist to connect the stories.
19/01/16: First full draft of LMOE registered with the WGA West Registry:Documentation of Registration
Registrant: Darren White
Author: Darren White
LMOE
Registration Number: 1820774
FILE NAME: LMOE v1.0.pdf
EFFECTIVE DATE: 1/19/2016
EXPIRATION DATE: 1/19/2021
Thank you for your registration. Your material has been successfully registered with the WGAW Registry. Registrations are valid for a term of five years and can be renewed upon expiration. Please note that changes cannot be made once your registration is completed.
19/01/16: First completed full LMOE Draft 1, v1.0 finished. I got it down to 109 pages, but it took so much work. It's printed, bound and given to an editor for feedback.
04/01/16: First completed full script - LMOE Draft 1, v0.95 written. It's way too long at 120 pages though. I'm aiming for 107 pages. Time to shorten it through painful editing...
04/01/16: LMOE Draft 1, Act 3 v0.2 written.
05/12/15: LMOE Draft 1, Act 2 v0.2 written.
28/11/15: LMOE Draft 1, Act 1 v0.2 written.
15/11/15: Ground broken, the first words of "LMOE" are written...
13/11/15: Begun plotting a new modern-day screenplay, initially titled "LMOE", which stands for Last Man On Earth.
09-May-2020 LoF: I just can't leave it alone! Based on two lots of coverage, I made some small but significant tweaks / corrections. I also added some subtly symbolism in a flash of inspiration. Surely this is the last revision?
03-May-2020 LoF: By now we're deeply into UK Covid-19 lock down, and although I initially thought that the screenplay was dead - over taken by real world events - I eventually realised that perhaps now would be the best time to market it, given it's sudden relevance. So between 30-Apr & 03-May I wrote revision v10.1. I did something I'd been thinking of doing for a long time and changed the ending considerably, with a new twist to replace the old one. I also made a few minor but necessary tweaks & scenes, adding about 3 pages to the length. I included some great foreshadowing and also added back some symbolism that I'd accidentally written out. This is my final version that I'd now be marketing hard.
Mar/Apr-2020: I put LoF to bed and instead worked on re-structuring the next draft of another screen play 'glorious'. I intended to market them together, believing I'd have a better chance with multiple scripts.
24-Feb-2020 LoF: Another two revisions (v8.5 & v9.1) in less than a month. This was the most 'screen craft' draft to date. I decide that I needed to analyse and re-write the script based on the premise and theory of thesis, antithesis & synthesis. I took a while to fully analyse and another while to re-write but I think that it benefited immeasurably from a viewpoint of emotionally based decision making, and that it became more character driven, even within the structure of a 'hero's journey' action plot.
02-Feb-2020 AA / LoF: Two revisions (v8.3 & v8.4) in less than a month and boy were they big! In Jan-20, I finally got around (or got the guts!) to read the revised coverage from a year earlier, and not only was it good, it was helpful. It gave lots of great ideas for adding causality to the plot and really cementing motivations, agency and movement. Draft v8.3 got the new title "American Apocalypse", but it would be draft v8.4 that finally got the title "Land of Fear", taken from a line of dialogue. The plot was tightened, beloved scenes were cut, new linking scenes were added. This was perhaps the most important development period in the whole project.
4-Jan-2020 TLotA: I made a list of all of the notes I'd sent home in the previous nine months or so, then implemented them as draft v8.2. It felt good to write again, but on my terms, with my voice and instincts. For this draft only, the screenplay got a name change to "The Last of the Americans". This draft really, really upped the social commentary. This was huge step forward.
Jan-2019 to Jan-2020: I received the rewritten coverage in Jan-2019, however I didn't read it. I just couldn't handle the possible rejection & criticism. From the end of 2018 until Mar/Apr 2019 I was very ill and utterly unable to write. It's no exaggeration to say that I could have died. I spent the rest of 2019 concentrating on getting better but not writing. Not that I wouldn't think about the screenplay. I sent myself lots of notes to my gmail account during this period, ready for the time when I'd feel well enough to write again. If that ever came.
Dec-2018 AmDie: I planned a huge re-write based on the terrible Nov-2018 coverage criticisms. This would have been a huge change of direction, and not really my vision or voice. I don't think it would have addressed any plot problems, and it just wouldn't have been my screenplay afterwards. Thankfully, I never made any of these questionable changes, due to a mix of being far, far too busy at work and not being in the right mental space to write.
Nov-2018 AmDie: I received some terrible coverage in Nov-2018. It was not just laying into the script, but was also unjust and untrue. It patronised me for mistakes I hadn't made and just proved that the reader hadn't read the script properly, if at all. Not only was it unjust, but it was also unhelpful. At no point did it tell me how to 'correct' any of my mistakes. I complained and eventually got new coverage in Jan-2019 by the same reader. However, it would be almost a whole year before I read it.
05-Nov-2018 AmDie: Eight months, two drafts (v7.1 & v7.2) and about 30 changes. This doesn't sound like much, but this was the time when I researched cliches and tired tropes and made damn sure that my screenplay didn't have them, in fact I overturned a few and went against type, subverting the expectation. I didn't know it at the time, but I also wrote a line of dialogue that would become its new title over a year later. I also cleaned up some obscure formatting mistakes.
11-Mar-2018 AmDie: Three months & two new drafts (v6.1 & v6.2). These just seem to be a long list of coverage notes, including the only feedback from my wife, that I refused to implement. There's only about 10 changes here, although some of it is important.
15-Dec 2017 AmDie: Draft v5.1 completed in about 30 changes in a month and some of them are big. One character changes name & race & got dialogue in his own language. The voice over was reduced & more of that info added into (new) scenes. Added a scene at the start that would be referenced in the denouement. Sharpened Act 1. Added foreshadowing. Important chages.
19-Nov-2017 AmDie: Six months to complete three revisions of the screenplay (v4.1, v4.2 & v4.3) There a 88 changes or improvements here, and looking at my notes, a lot of this is still in the screenplay today (v10.3 10-May-20). This was a really creative & productive time.
15-May-2017 AmDie: I am still working on the script & expect to complete draft v4.0 in the next few weeks. Latest version is with test readers. Diary updates from Jan-17 to May-17 to follow...
07-Jan-17 AmDie: Analysed milestones, only 2 pages over length. (Need to lose 2 pages from Act 2. Check dialogue ending in major milestone scenes.) Tweaked some Eve dialogue. Checking Eve / shortening Act2 - P39
06-Jan-17 AmDie: Tweaked Captain, gave Eve the purgatory line. Gave Clark the throw a rock line.
05-Jan-17 AmDie: Added the Navejo. Removed the pre-boat scene. Cleaned up some of the new scenes.
04-Jan-17 AmDie: Eve dialogue completed. Removed some Eve & Zoe dialogue. Changed revival. Died once today line. Rats. Started Native Americans.
03-Jan-17 AmDie: Car upside down. Changed cross corpse.
01-Jan-17 AmDie: 'Upversioned' to draft 3.3. Changed the doll to Mickey Mouse. Added lots of new notes to self. Eve/Carol added blind man speech & 'legacy' dialogue.
Oct 2016 to Jan 2017: too busy at my day job to work on American Die. Sorry.
16-Oct-16 AmDie: Removed hand held scene. New soldier joke. Re-checking Eve, on p24.
15-Oct-16 AmDie: New intro to Eve. New Clark intro. More Lewis.
08-Oct-16 AmDie: Added Webster REDACTED line.
22-Sep-16 AmDie: Changed a line of Eve's dialogue.
15-Sep-16 AmDie: Completed Eve's dialogue.
13-Sep-16 AmDie: Working through Eve's dialogue, got as far as page 50.
11-Sep-16 AmDie: Changes Eve's last words. Removed a short hand-held scene. All character Decalogue revised except Eve.
05-Sep-16 AmDie: Completed Jaax & Preston.
04-Sep-16 AmDie: Eve clothes white to black. More military slang. Read through Captain.
03-Sep-16 AmDie: Captn Catchphases: REDACTED & REDACTED. Added Military slang. Tweaked John & Eugene dialogue. (#tag & allergies/sprint)
01-Sep-16 AmDie: Having trouble finding unique voices. Made changes to Det Clark. Maybe I need to base them on a person/character? Signed off on Adam, John, Lizzie, Carol, Lewis, Troy, Kim & Zoe.
31-Aug-16 AmDie: Carol done. Troy done. Adam done. John done. Kim done. Lizzie done. Captn done. Frank / Lewis / Webster done. All done.
30-Aug-16 AmDie: Det Clark done. Is this story emotional enough? Use the Truby book to add emotional depth to the end / Eve.
29-Aug-16 AmDie: Eve crosses lines re: vaccine. Geek #1 becomes Eugene. Developed Unity of Opposites. Zoe done. Eugene done.
28-Aug-16 AmDie: Added Clark's no hospital drive. Blindfold Clark. Eve joke epiphany. Eve/Carol REDACTED symbolism. 2 REDACTED left. Eye @ start. John sunglasses. Clark shades eyes. Soldiers metal barricades. Jaax has glasses. Eye patched Captn. Troy & Webster glasses. Clark goggles.
24-Aug-16 AmDie: Zoe goes to climate change. Eve & Kim get REDACTED samples. Ending: Eve waits for REDACTED 2 REDACTED.
19-Aug-16 AmDie: Removed Carol doesn't 'go home' plot hole. Eve stabs REDACTED.
18-Aug-16 AmDie: Tweaked various lines of dialogue. Analysed structure.
17-Aug-16 AmDie: Removed dialogue from soldiers. 109 pages. At end, 1 REDACTED & Eve stabs REDACTED to save REDACTED.
14-Aug-16 AmDie: Finished checking soldiers. Re-read to remove chars, found none.
12-Aug-16 AmDie: Removed a speaking part - gave to Det Clark. Continued checking soldiers. P87
11-Aug-16:
How to Survive the Next Catastrophic Pandemic
This might have gone by the time you read this!
11-Aug-16 AmDie: Corrected John's age & description. Added President Trump. Giving soldiers names & removed one. Up to Page 44.
09-Aug-16 AmDie: Editing recent additions. Change Adam to indistinct. Zoe recognizes Eve? Changing Troy's voice. Cap speaks of hero/villian duality. USAMRIID
08-Aug-16 AmDie: Added business speak to Troy. Eve is now in the office with Troy.
08-Aug-16 AmDie: Checked new finale. Updated as per 2nd coverage. Made Carol more resentful of Eve. Added hand held slug lines. Added pyres to end.
02-Aug-16 AmDie: Feedback from @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com "great world building and a very consistent sense of tone. You painted a very engaging picture of the world slowly starting to crumble", "nice attention to detail with the specifics of the outbreak like how the military responded, what viruses mutated together etc." & "a masterful sense of tone".
02-Aug-16 AmDie: Analyzed 2nd coverage report. Changed title. Changed 1st scene VO.
02-Aug-16 AmDie: Changed the working title of the script from LMOE to American Die. What do you think of the name change?
01-Aug-16 LMOE: New REDACTED and Zoe ending.
31-July-16 LMOE: 1st & 2nd amendments suspended. Save the world becomes change the world. Terrorist attack, in car.
28-July-16 LMOE: Crucified priest. Do we deserve to live? Logo behind Troy. Eve gives Kim the pic she came for. Banner in stream.
27-July-16 LMOE: Removed Lewis' mum, vet & doc. Finished Checking structure.
26-July-16 LMOE: Changed TV lines to highlight REDACTED analogy. Changed TV to a camp REDACTED. Making Acts end with more 'decision points' where Eve has a choice. Done: Act 1, 2a, (check 2b & 3), Checking structure / pacing @ P42
25-July-16 LMOE: Strengthened Eve's decision at the end of Act 2b
22-July-16 LMOE: REDACTED shot down with Stinger SAM
21-July-16 LMOE: Added REDACTED to Troy cabin. Removed board members. Removed Housekeeper.
20-July-16 LMOE: New John takes REDACTED scene. Moved a hook scene to church.108 pages long.
19-July-16 LMOE: Shortened fast scenes until the end. New REDACTED ending. P110
18-July-16 LMOE: Plot conference with proof readers. Shortened copter crash. P85 end of Act 2b
16-July-16 LMOE: Made Kim 'sweary Mary'. P35
15-July-16 LMOE: Added REDACTED to REDACTED's death. P54
14-July-16 LMOE: Beefed up Eve can't go Act1. Shortened the Clark/John shot action, then the Clark stairs action. Added some REDACTED. P46
13-July-16 LMOE: Changes to end of Act 2b. Made the low point more obvious. Changed end of Act 1 - made it more obvious. Mentioned Adam. Added infection VFX to John, sub guy & Clark on the island.
12-July-16 LMOE: Fixed variations on Eve's name. Moved all page numbers to the right. Corrected naked sluglines.
11-July-16 LMOE: Analysed the coverage for changes and potential solutions to problems. Changed Eve's Europe opportunity. Changed Act 2b Eve VO.
11-July-16 LMOE: Thanks to coverage from www.wescreenplay.com the next draft will include character and structure clarifications, a slight pacing correction, a gem of an idea, maybe a new ending, and maybe a unique new genre element.
11-July-16 LMOE: Feedback from www.wescreenplay.com "You’re off to a good start, and it’s clear that you’re a talented writer", "That isn’t to say that this type of film won’t do well in the market" & "You’re on the right track".
10-July-16 LMOE: Made a slight change to the end of Act 1, but it still needs more work.
06-July-16 LMOE: Checked all the milestones. Wrote 3 alternative 1st pages then decided on the best.
06-July-16 LMOE: Submitted draft v3.1 of LMOE to www.wescreenplay.com for pro coverage. I should have it in just 72 hours!
06-July-16 LMOE: Draft v3.1 of LMOE registered with the WGA West Registry, ready to be sent out for pro coverage:
Documentation of Registration
Registrant: Darren White
Author: Darren White
LMOE v3.1
Registration Number: 1849342
MATERIAL TYPE:
FILE NAME: LMOE by Darren White.pdf
EFFECTIVE DATE: 7/6/2016
EXPIRATION DATE: 7/6/2021
Thank you for your registration. Your material has been successfully registered with the WGAW Registry. Registrations are valid for a term of five years and can be renewed upon expiration.
05-July-16 LMOE: I looked up & averaged the margins sizes in inches for US letter paper. I then applied the new margins to v3.1 of the script. I need to print & double check the margins. I then read through the script looking for orphaned lines. It's now 109 pages - perfect! I now just need to check where the various sections now end & update the graphs etc in my notes.
03-July-16 LMOE: Copied LMOE v3.0 to my Kindle to proof read. Not started reading yet.
01-July-16 LMOE: Finished reading through. With the new additions it's 110.5 pages long, so I need to lose at least a page, preferably 3! Will check the margins first before I try to edit any lines out.
30-June-16 LMOE: Last day of changes - Barrel of a gun, want / take father, FAT Test, DC & Eve call, virulent / contagious, overrun base solution, Kim / Eve & her / him, luggage, roof camps. Edited as far as Page 68 out of 110.
29-June-16 LMOE: Still working through the list of changes. They are: Sign on roof. Gangs shoot down chopper. Cave death baptism of fire. Under fire in water. Burnt out building. Corpse gap jump & grab/trip. Eve keeps shoes on. Army, r's, gangs. Carol less weird.
I've extended it all by a couple of pages, so I need to lose at least 1 page. I'm now reading through the script and I've got as far as page 14.
28-June-16 LMOE: Made a number of changes to the latest draft. Without explaining them, they are: Gave the Detective a beard to show the passage of time. Pack mentality. Nurses uniform. Sneeze on sub guy. Tear gas. Confused?
27-June-16 LMOE: Began Draft 3.0 rework. Added four new instances of symbolism. Added a rat lunch box, literally. Added multi-views of one of the last scenes. Added burnt out cars to the start. Made the girls scream at flying bullets. Added gas sign.
26-June-16 Action / Adventure Film & Screenplay Festival confirmed the LMOE submission. Expect to hear back in 3-5 weeks with feedback and results. (That's 17-July to 31-July.)
25-June-16 LMOE: I submitted my "LMOE" action, adventure, sci-fi, horror screenplay to @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com !
23-June-16 LMOE: Glorious v3.0 draft completed & shared for review. Free to start work on LMOE v3.0!
01-June-16 LMOE: Held a really great two hour script review session with my reviewers Neil D & Adam H. I have loads to add to the next draft.
27-May-16 LMOE: Got coverage from my second reviewer, Adam Hughes. Some good stuff here. Thank you.
25-May-16 LMOE: Got my first coverage from Neil Durkin. Some good stuff here.
06/05/16 LMOE: I gave the latest draft to two friends to review.
17/04/16 LMOE: A bit of a sidetrack from working on 'glorious'. In a flash of inspiration I wrote 21 notes to myself of changes for draft 3.0 including a blinding bit of symbolism. I'm just procrastinating now from working on 'glorious'...
09/04/16 LMOE: I made a few changes today based on things I saw when I was printing v2.0 for an editor. Now I'm on to draft v2.1. Actually, I'm going to do something else while I wait for feedback from editors...
06/04/16 LMOE: So I gave my script to 3 friends today. Just waiting for any feedback now...
05/04/16 LMOE: A huge plot hole just occurred to me today. One quick fix later. Then I spent most of the night trying to convert a word / pdf doc into a Kindle .mobi that preserves the screenplay format. This page was useful. Anyone want to read it? Contact me via the contacts page.
04/04/16 LMOE: I made a few plot hole fix changes but I mostly watched the season finale of 'The Walking Dead'. Time to give it to a few friends people for feedback.
03/04/16 LMOE: I finished reading through the pdf version on a tablet. I made about 11 mark-ups / changes. Afterwards I was in a really bad mood because I couldn't tell if it was any good.
02/04/16 LMOE: I just realized that two scenes fail the Bechdel test and it's imperative to the plot that they do. I'll see what I can do but I'm not promising anything. Still, plenty of films pass the test but still aren't exactly feminist paradigms, just see here.
01/04/16 LMOE: I made some minor modifications to Draft 2 Act 3 today, then I quickly re-read about 30 pages from the start. I plan to convert it to a pdf then read it on a tablet & see if I can spot any errors, then I have 8 directives - like look for plot holes - to work through. This could take sometime. Page 0 / 109
31/03/16 LMOE: Finished Act III. I had to rework the act to fit in with earlier changes. I also took lots of dialogue out to get it down to 109 (letter sized) pages. I hope I didn't take too much out. I realized today that this script may not be 'high concept' enough to sell. 'Gladiators vs Zombies' it ain't. I'm really not sure about Act III...
30/03/16 LMOE: A plot hole occurred to me today. When I thought about it, another four occurred to me. I spent today fixing them. I'm going to cryptically call them "Carol not talking", "left knife", "short incubation", "dumpster time lapse" and "dog pack". Am I just putting off editing the last act? Page 90 / 110.
29/03/16 LMOE: Today was a bit of a technical day. I removed some unnecessary transitions, then I went back over Draft 2 Act 1. I took about 0.6 of a page from the whole screenplay (a massive 0.2 'pages' from Act 1!) I noticed that I'm utterly blind to the script quality. I've read it too many times to know if it's any good. Oh well, on wards to Draft 2 Act 3. Page 81/110.
28/03/16 LMOE: I just couldn't leave it. I went back to Draft 2 Act 2, fixed some things - especially the CPR scene - and removed about a page. If I could remove the extra page from the Act 1 then I'd be happy just removing one last page from Act 3. Page 80/111.
27/03/16 LMOE: I've made it to the end of Draft 2 Act 2! It took a monster effort, but I'm finally there. It's a page or two too long, and subsequently Act 3 is about 3.5 pages too long, but I'll get to the end and then come back to fix it. I wrote an incorrect CPR scene and it's bugging me. Anyway it's 2:35am on Easter Monday and time for bed. Page 81/111.
26/03/16 LMOE: Added a new scene at the start, changed a few small things, tightened some dialogue and cut out a page worth. Page 75/112.
23/03/16 LMOE: Fixed a couple of minor plot holes. Then had a stab at the new scene I had to write. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. The only problem is that I added the two removed pages back in. Still more to do. Currently on page 76/112.
21/03/16 LMOE: Edited about 11 pages then stopped when I got to writing a new scene. I also have to lose a few pages. Not my finest days work.
17/03/16 LMOE: Today I re-read the first 53 pages (Act 1 & 1st half of Act 2) in one 30 minute session and made some corrections & tweaks. Hhmm, I'm not sure if it actually hangs together, or if it's too abrupt. I'll wait until I can read the whole thing in one go to decide that.
16/03/16 LMOE: All I did today was to make a few (very important) tweaks - I love it when one word can add a whole new level of meaning or ambiguity - and a lot of new notes to myself in Acts 2 & 3. I left a reminder to myself in the script. It simply says, "Are you proud of every scene? Put the work in!" Good advice indeed.
15/03/16 LMOE: I did nothing today but note the page numbers of the remaining 18 beats & milestones. I've got to lose about 2.5 pages of the 30 pages of Act 2, Part 2 and then a further 2 pages from Act 3 (currently about 29 pages). I know roughly where the Act 2 edits are, but I've got no idea how I'm going to add scenes and still lose 2 pages.
14/03/16 LMOE: I've got to the end of editing Act 2, Part 1 (page 53). I still don't think this is the last I'll work on this. This section is just too darn important.
09/03/16 LMOE: I've got to the end of editing a really, really important scene, but I'm not at all happy with it. I'm now about 50 pages into it (23 into Act 2) but I feel I'll be going over and over these last 10 & next 2 pages over and over again...
08/03/16 LMOE: I've edited about another 10 pages into Act 2, part 1, with the first run through the two of the three plot points done. There's less "add jeopardy" comments now, but I have marked the really pivotal next section as "This section is a mess. Not clear." I also have a add a re-occurring character into the scene. Tricky.
07/03/16 LMOE: 17 pages into Act 2, part 1, with about another 10 to go to finish the first plot point. I've swapped this whole section with the original Act 2 start, so there's quite a lot of continuity to change. I've also had to add an important new scene to make this draft make sense. Hard work. I've also written "Add Jeopardy" in red all other these pages, so there's more work to be done!
03/03/16 LMOE: I've got LMOE Draft 2, Act 1 down to 27.9 pages (0.9 pages too long) but I'm going to leave it there for now and move on, because I just can't lose that extra page. All my beats and milestones land spot on, with the exception of the Act end. I've spent a month on those 28 pages. Time to move on...
02/03/16 LMOE: A few words on how much writing I get to do. This is it: my lunch hour and a few hours in the evening before I get too tired. That's it. No wonder it takes so long.
01/03/16 LMOE: I've finished LMOE Draft 2, Act 1 but it's way too long - by about 3 pages. Edit time. Remember, don't get it right, get it written!
28/02/16: Still re-writing LMOE Draft 2. This is hard... I've been writing and re-writing the first 17 pages for three weeks, but I finally think I've finished it! Just 10 more pages to re-write and Draft 2, Act 1 is done!
22/02/16 LMOE: May have completed the first half of the re-write of LMOE Act 1 v2.0, but it's way too long. More editing.
01/02/16: Begun the mammoth LMOE re-write process.
31/01/16: Completed the analysis & re-plotting of LMOE Draft 2 v2.0. I now have a working analysis and structure of modern movies that I can re-use for all future screenplays.
21/01/16: Editing and feedback of LMOE Draft v1.0 is stopped. I've realized that the first draft as written (as a series of interconnected stand-alone stories, each representing a different movie style) lacks the necessary emotional depth. Begun a re-plot of it with a single protagonist to connect the stories.
19/01/16: First full draft of LMOE registered with the WGA West Registry:Documentation of Registration
Registrant: Darren White
Author: Darren White
LMOE
Registration Number: 1820774
FILE NAME: LMOE v1.0.pdf
EFFECTIVE DATE: 1/19/2016
EXPIRATION DATE: 1/19/2021
Thank you for your registration. Your material has been successfully registered with the WGAW Registry. Registrations are valid for a term of five years and can be renewed upon expiration. Please note that changes cannot be made once your registration is completed.
19/01/16: First completed full LMOE Draft 1, v1.0 finished. I got it down to 109 pages, but it took so much work. It's printed, bound and given to an editor for feedback.
04/01/16: First completed full script - LMOE Draft 1, v0.95 written. It's way too long at 120 pages though. I'm aiming for 107 pages. Time to shorten it through painful editing...
04/01/16: LMOE Draft 1, Act 3 v0.2 written.
05/12/15: LMOE Draft 1, Act 2 v0.2 written.
28/11/15: LMOE Draft 1, Act 1 v0.2 written.
15/11/15: Ground broken, the first words of "LMOE" are written...
13/11/15: Begun plotting a new modern-day screenplay, initially titled "LMOE", which stands for Last Man On Earth.
