American Die
America's greatest strengths are her ultimate downfall.
When a young professor, trapped by caring for her alzeimer suffering father, tries to alert the world to impending disaster, she must set aside personal grief, find her missing family, and uncover the true extent of the threat facing humanity.
Only to discover that the world has been deceived on an unimaginable scale.
She realises that she holds the key to saving humanity, if she can only stay alive long enough to complete her lifetimes work...
When a young professor, trapped by caring for her alzeimer suffering father, tries to alert the world to impending disaster, she must set aside personal grief, find her missing family, and uncover the true extent of the threat facing humanity.
Only to discover that the world has been deceived on an unimaginable scale.
She realises that she holds the key to saving humanity, if she can only stay alive long enough to complete her lifetimes work...
American Die is a horror, action adventure, sci-fi thriller screenplay set in the modern day.
Here's what the industry thinks of the screenplay.
The Red List
(as at 26th Nov 2017)
(as at 26th Nov 2017)
WHAT IS THE RED LIST?
Coverfly is the industry's largest database of screenplay contest entries and script coverage evaluations, sortable by genre and format, and searchable by vetted entertainment industry professionals. Coverfly connect data from many of the industry's top screenwriting competitions and screenplay coverage sites.
THE RED LIST is a list of the screenplays with the highest Industry Scores.
Professional Coverage Feedback:
Oct 2017 www.wescreenplay.com:
Category Score Percentile
Characterization 7.00/10 (90 percentile)
Concept 8.00/10 (98 percentile)
Format 8.00/10 (99 percentile)
Voice 7.00/10 (91 percentile)
Dialogue 6.00/10 (68 percentile)
Overall Weighted Percentile 81
AMERICAN DIE has a number of strong and compelling pieces and concepts. The themes are interesting, and the allegorical aspects of the story are very good. The <redacted> and imagery that are used throughout the story brings about an extra layer of depth in the script to make it feel much more meaningful than the prototypical <redacted> story. The screenplay… very heavy on “world building.”
Professor Eve is a likable, relatable character. She has a strong, if not difficult, relationship with her elder father, which adds good personality and character to her based on the way she handles herself. She’s very much a family-first type of person, and throughout the story, her loved ones are her driving force. This is admirable, and it works well. The connection she has with Lizzie is built well, and seeing them torn apart on multiple occasions feels significant because of this connection. The way she handles herself when they find James feels directly connected to how things <redacted>, even without that being mentioned in any way – that’s very good writing. Her determination comes across well on the page, and that’s important.
There are a lot of strong pieces here. The airborne outbreak of <redacted> is terrifying and this is mixed well with a lot of good questions about humanity. The fact that <redacted> is <redacted> and the <redacted> with a <redacted> for the <redacted> that <redacted> is really great.
The dialogue works for the most part. There are some clever and funny lines, and it avoids feeling unnatural.
The concept of a woman creating <redacted> is very compelling, and the idea of <redacted> holding the <redacted> but being <redacted> is really great.
The “true” concept, in terms of what’s written on the page, is more about surviving <redacted>, which has some degree of intrigue, but it’s not nearly as compelling or original as the other two… very original ideas.
CONCEPT – As mentioned, the concept that’s written is interesting, and there is a market for it. It’s essentially a <redacted> story, which has a lot of fans. The conceptual ideas within here of an <redacted> exploration of the <redacted> and all of that are two steps above <redacted> though.
CASTABILITY – Eve could draw a big name, and there are a number of smaller roles that could attract talent.
There is a lot to like here, and there’s a great deal of potential (This is not said lightly). This is not an easy script to write... the ideas are there. It’s just a very ambitious project. But that’s a good thing."
Jan 2017 @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com "great world building and a very consistent sense of tone. You painted a very engaging picture of the world slowly starting to crumble", "nice attention to detail with the specifics of the outbreak like how the military responded, what viruses mutated together etc." & "a masterful sense of tone".
July 2016 www.wescreenplay.com "You’re off to a good start, and it’s clear that you’re a talented writer", "That isn’t to say that this type of film won’t do well in the market" & "You’re on the right track".
American Die is a horror, action adventure, sci-fi thriller screenplay set in the modern day. A small excerpt and a diary of development can be found below:
Oct 2017 www.wescreenplay.com:
Category Score Percentile
Characterization 7.00/10 (90 percentile)
Concept 8.00/10 (98 percentile)
Format 8.00/10 (99 percentile)
Voice 7.00/10 (91 percentile)
Dialogue 6.00/10 (68 percentile)
Overall Weighted Percentile 81
AMERICAN DIE has a number of strong and compelling pieces and concepts. The themes are interesting, and the allegorical aspects of the story are very good. The <redacted> and imagery that are used throughout the story brings about an extra layer of depth in the script to make it feel much more meaningful than the prototypical <redacted> story. The screenplay… very heavy on “world building.”
Professor Eve is a likable, relatable character. She has a strong, if not difficult, relationship with her elder father, which adds good personality and character to her based on the way she handles herself. She’s very much a family-first type of person, and throughout the story, her loved ones are her driving force. This is admirable, and it works well. The connection she has with Lizzie is built well, and seeing them torn apart on multiple occasions feels significant because of this connection. The way she handles herself when they find James feels directly connected to how things <redacted>, even without that being mentioned in any way – that’s very good writing. Her determination comes across well on the page, and that’s important.
There are a lot of strong pieces here. The airborne outbreak of <redacted> is terrifying and this is mixed well with a lot of good questions about humanity. The fact that <redacted> is <redacted> and the <redacted> with a <redacted> for the <redacted> that <redacted> is really great.
The dialogue works for the most part. There are some clever and funny lines, and it avoids feeling unnatural.
The concept of a woman creating <redacted> is very compelling, and the idea of <redacted> holding the <redacted> but being <redacted> is really great.
The “true” concept, in terms of what’s written on the page, is more about surviving <redacted>, which has some degree of intrigue, but it’s not nearly as compelling or original as the other two… very original ideas.
CONCEPT – As mentioned, the concept that’s written is interesting, and there is a market for it. It’s essentially a <redacted> story, which has a lot of fans. The conceptual ideas within here of an <redacted> exploration of the <redacted> and all of that are two steps above <redacted> though.
CASTABILITY – Eve could draw a big name, and there are a number of smaller roles that could attract talent.
There is a lot to like here, and there’s a great deal of potential (This is not said lightly). This is not an easy script to write... the ideas are there. It’s just a very ambitious project. But that’s a good thing."
Jan 2017 @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com "great world building and a very consistent sense of tone. You painted a very engaging picture of the world slowly starting to crumble", "nice attention to detail with the specifics of the outbreak like how the military responded, what viruses mutated together etc." & "a masterful sense of tone".
July 2016 www.wescreenplay.com "You’re off to a good start, and it’s clear that you’re a talented writer", "That isn’t to say that this type of film won’t do well in the market" & "You’re on the right track".
American Die is a horror, action adventure, sci-fi thriller screenplay set in the modern day. A small excerpt and a diary of development can be found below:
LMOE is now American Die.
Please click here
Please click here
Want to see how quickly the world can end? View this end of the world simulator here, while it's still working.
This screenplay is still in development. See the news page for the latest updates.
This screenplay is still in development. See the news page for the latest updates.
Excerpt from the motion picture screenplay American Die v3.3:
© 2017 Darren White. All rights reserved.
FADE in:
EXT. Football stadium – DAY (DUSK)
A single, staring eye. The view pulls back to reveal a young girl, holding a grubby stuffed Mickey Mouse toy, lying on the chest of her equally staring mother. The view pulls back further to reveal a mass of entangled corpses.
ADAM (V.O.)
(filtered, indistinct)
People have been predicting the end of the World since time began.
EXT. Football stadium – DAY (DUSK)
Dirty corpses cover the entire football pitch. Scattered in the seats are thousands of abandoned, rotting dead.
ADAM (V.O.)
(filtered, indistinct)
But no one expected it would actually happen in our lifetime.
EXT. Wall-Mart car lot – DAY (DUSK)
Endless neatly arranged black body bags wait on the tarmac.
ADAM (V.O.)
(filtered, indistinct)
I found the solution, but it came too late to save everyone.
EXT. Church – DAY (DUSK)
A white wooden church sits surrounded by overgrown grass. Daubed in running red paint are the words “God hates us.”
ADAM (V.O.)
(filtered, indistinct)
It started on a normal day, just like today.
American Die development - diary of a screenplay:
02-Aug AD: Changed the working title of the film from LMOE to American Die. What do you think of the name change?
11-July LMOE: Thanks to coverage from www.wescreenplay.com the next draft will include character and structure clarifications, a slight pacing correction, a gem of an idea, maybe a new ending, and maybe a unique new genre element.
11-July LMOE: Feedback from www.wescreenplay.com "You’re off to a good start, and it’s clear that you’re a talented writer", "That isn’t to say that this type of film won’t do well in the market" & "You’re on the right track".
06-July LMOE: Submitted draft v3.1 of LMOE to www.wescreenplay.com for pro coverage. I should have it in just 72 hours!
06-July LMOE: Draft v3.1 of LMOE registered with the WGA West Registry, ready to be sent out for pro coverage:
Documentation of Registration
Registrant: Darren White
Author: Darren White
LMOE v3.1
Registration Number: 1849342
MATERIAL TYPE:
FILE NAME: LMOE by Darren White.pdf
EFFECTIVE DATE: 7/6/2016
EXPIRATION DATE: 7/6/2021
Thank you for your registration. Your material has been successfully registered with the WGAW Registry. Registrations are valid for a term of five years and can be renewed upon expiration.
05-July LMOE: I looked up & averaged the margins sizes in inches for US letter paper. I then applied the new margins to v3.1 of the script. I need to print & double check the margins. I then read through the script looking for orphaned lines. It's now 109 pages - perfect! I now just need to check where the various sections now end & update the graphs etc in my notes.
03-July LMOE: Copied LMOE v3.0 to my Kindle to proof read. Not started reading yet.
01-July LMOE: Finished reading through. With the new additions it's 110.5 pages long, so I need to lose at least a page, preferably 3! Will check the margins first before I try to edit any lines out.
30-June LMOE: Last day of changes - Barrel of a gun, want / take father, FAT Test, DC & Eve call, virulent / contagious, overrun base solution, Kim / Eve & her / him, luggage, roof camps. Edited as far as Page 68 out of 110.
29-June LMOE: Still working through the list of changes. They are: Sign on roof. Gangs shoot down chopper. Cave death baptism of fire. Under fire in water. Burnt out building. Corpse gap jump & grab/trip. Eve keeps shoes on. Army, r's, gangs. Carol less weird.
I've extended it all by a couple of pages, so I need to lose at least 1 page. I'm now reading through the script and I've got as far as page 14.
28-June LMOE: Made a number of changes to the latest draft. Without explaining them, they are: Gave the Detective a beard to show the passage of time. Pack mentality. Nurses uniform. Sneeze on sub guy. Tear gas. Confused?
27-June LMOE: Began Draft 3.0 rework. Added four new instances of symbolism. Added a rat lunch box, literally. Added multi-views of one of the last scenes. Added burnt out cars to the start. Made the girls scream at flying bullets. Added gas sign.
26-June Action / Adventure Film & Screenplay Festival confirmed the LMOE submission. Expect to hear back in 3-5 weeks with feedback and results. (That's 17-July to 31-July.)
25-June LMOE: I submitted my "LMOE" action, adventure, sci-fi, horror screenplay to @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com !
23-June LMOE: Glorious v3.0 draft completed & shared for review. Free to start work on LMOE v3.0!
01-June LMOE: Held a really great two hour script review session with my reviewers Neil D & Adam H. I have loads to add to the next draft.
27-May LMOE: Got coverage from my second reviewer, Adam Hughes. Some good stuff here. Thank you.
25-May LMOE: Got my first coverage from Neil Durkin. Some good stuff here.
06/05/16 LMOE: I gave the latest draft to two friends to review.
17/04/16 LMOE: A bit of a sidetrack from working on 'glorious'. In a flash of inspiration I wrote 21 notes to myself of changes for draft 3.0 including a blinding bit of symbolism. I'm just procrastinating now from working on 'glorious'...
09/04/16 LMOE: I made a few changes today based on things I saw when I was printing v2.0 for an editor. Now I'm on to draft v2.1. Actually, I'm going to do something else while I wait for feedback from editors...
06/04/16 LMOE: So I gave my script to 3 friends today. Just waiting for any feedback now...
05/04/16 LMOE: A huge plot hole just occurred to me today. One quick fix later. Then I spent most of the night trying to convert a word / pdf doc into a Kindle .mobi that preserves the screenplay format. This page was useful. Anyone want to read it? Contact me via the contacts page.
04/04/16 LMOE: I made a few plot hole fix changes but I mostly watched the season finale of 'The Walking Dead'. Time to give it to a few friends people for feedback.
03/04/16 LMOE: I finished reading through the pdf version on a tablet. I made about 11 mark-ups / changes. Afterwards I was in a really bad mood because I couldn't tell if it was any good.
02/04/16 LMOE: I just realized that two scenes fail the Bechdel test and it's imperative to the plot that they do. I'll see what I can do but I'm not promising anything. Still, plenty of films pass the test but still aren't exactly feminist paradigms, just see here.
01/04/16 LMOE: I made some minor modifications to Draft 2 Act 3 today, then I quickly re-read about 30 pages from the start. I plan to convert it to a pdf then read it on a tablet & see if I can spot any errors, then I have 8 directives - like look for plot holes - to work through. This could take sometime. Page 0 / 109
31/03/16 LMOE: Finished Act III. I had to rework the act to fit in with earlier changes. I also took lots of dialogue out to get it down to 109 (letter sized) pages. I hope I didn't take too much out. I realized today that this script may not be 'high concept' enough to sell. 'Gladiators vs Zombies' it ain't. I'm really not sure about Act III...
30/03/16 LMOE: A plot hole occurred to me today. When I thought about it, another four occurred to me. I spent today fixing them. I'm going to cryptically call them "Carol not talking", "left knife", "short incubation", "dumpster time lapse" and "dog pack". Am I just putting off editing the last act? Page 90 / 110.
29/03/16 LMOE: Today was a bit of a technical day. I removed some unnecessary transitions, then I went back over Draft 2 Act 1. I took about 0.6 of a page from the whole screenplay (a massive 0.2 'pages' from Act 1!) I noticed that I'm utterly blind to the script quality. I've read it too many times to know if it's any good. Oh well, on wards to Draft 2 Act 3. Page 81/110.
28/03/16 LMOE: I just couldn't leave it. I went back to Draft 2 Act 2, fixed some things - especially the CPR scene - and removed about a page. If I could remove the extra page from the Act 1 then I'd be happy just removing one last page from Act 3. Page 80/111.
27/03/16 LMOE: I've made it to the end of Draft 2 Act 2! It took a monster effort, but I'm finally there. It's a page or two too long, and subsequently Act 3 is about 3.5 pages too long, but I'll get to the end and then come back to fix it. I wrote an incorrect CPR scene and it's bugging me. Anyway it's 2:35am on Easter Monday and time for bed. Page 81/111.
26/03/16 LMOE: Added a new scene at the start, changed a few small things, tightened some dialogue and cut out a page worth. Page 75/112.
23/03/16 LMOE: Fixed a couple of minor plot holes. Then had a stab at the new scene I had to write. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. The only problem is that I added the two removed pages back in. Still more to do. Currently on page 76/112.
21/03/16 LMOE: Edited about 11 pages then stopped when I got to writing a new scene. I also have to lose a few pages. Not my finest days work.
17/03/16 LMOE: Today I re-read the first 53 pages (Act 1 & 1st half of Act 2) in one 30 minute session and made some corrections & tweaks. Hhmm, I'm not sure if it actually hangs together, or if it's too abrupt. I'll wait until I can read the whole thing in one go to decide that.
16/03/16 LMOE: All I did today was to make a few (very important) tweaks - I love it when one word can add a whole new level of meaning or ambiguity - and a lot of new notes to myself in Acts 2 & 3. I left a reminder to myself in the script. It simply says, "Are you proud of every scene? Put the work in!" Good advice indeed.
15/03/16 LMOE: I did nothing today but note the page numbers of the remaining 18 beats & milestones. I've got to lose about 2.5 pages of the 30 pages of Act 2, Part 2 and then a further 2 pages from Act 3 (currently about 29 pages). I know roughly where the Act 2 edits are, but I've got no idea how I'm going to add scenes and still lose 2 pages.
14/03/16 LMOE: I've got to the end of editing Act 2, Part 1 (page 53). I still don't think this is the last I'll work on this. This section is just too darn important.
09/03/16 LMOE: I've got to the end of editing a really, really important scene, but I'm not at all happy with it. I'm now about 50 pages into it (23 into Act 2) but I feel I'll be going over and over these last 10 & next 2 pages over and over again...
08/03/16 LMOE: I've edited about another 10 pages into Act 2, part 1, with the first run through the two of the three plot points done. There's less "add jeopardy" comments now, but I have marked the really pivotal next section as "This section is a mess. Not clear." I also have a add a re-occurring character into the scene. Tricky.
07/03/16 LMOE: 17 pages into Act 2, part 1, with about another 10 to go to finish the first plot point. I've swapped this whole section with the original Act 2 start, so there's quite a lot of continuity to change. I've also had to add an important new scene to make this draft make sense. Hard work. I've also written "Add Jeopardy" in red all other these pages, so there's more work to be done!
03/03/16 LMOE: I've got LMOE Draft 2, Act 1 down to 27.9 pages (0.9 pages too long) but I'm going to leave it there for now and move on, because I just can't lose that extra page. All my beats and milestones land spot on, with the exception of the Act end. I've spent a month on those 28 pages. Time to move on...
02/03/16 LMOE: A few words on how much writing I get to do. This is it: my lunch hour and a few hours in the evening before I get too tired. That's it. No wonder it takes so long.
01/03/16 LMOE: I've finished LMOE Draft 2, Act 1 but it's way too long - by about 3 pages. Edit time. Remember, don't get it right, get it written!
28/02/16: Still re-writing LMOE Draft 2. This is hard... I've been writing and re-writing the first 17 pages for three weeks, but I finally think I've finished it! Just 10 more pages to re-write and Draft 2, Act 1 is done!
22/02/16 LMOE: May have completed the first half of the re-write of LMOE Act 1 v2.0, but it's way too long. More editing.
01/02/16: Begun the mammoth LMOE re-write process.
31/01/16: Completed the analysis & re-plotting of LMOE Draft 2 v2.0. I now have a working analysis and structure of modern movies that I can re-use for all future screenplays.
21/01/16: Editing and feedback of LMOE Draft v1.0 is stopped. I've realized that the first draft as written (as a series of interconnected stand-alone stories, each representing a different movie style) lacks the necessary emotional depth. Begun a re-plot of it with a single protagonist to connect the stories.
19/01/16: First full draft of LMOE registered with the WGA West Registry:Documentation of Registration
Registrant: Darren White
Author: Darren White
LMOE
Registration Number: 1820774
FILE NAME: LMOE v1.0.pdf
EFFECTIVE DATE: 1/19/2016
EXPIRATION DATE: 1/19/2021
Thank you for your registration. Your material has been successfully registered with the WGAW Registry. Registrations are valid for a term of five years and can be renewed upon expiration. Please note that changes cannot be made once your registration is completed.
19/01/16: First completed full LMOE Draft 1, v1.0 finished. I got it down to 109 pages, but it took so much work. It's printed, bound and given to an editor for feedback.
04/01/16: First completed full script - LMOE Draft 1, v0.95 written. It's way too long at 120 pages though. I'm aiming for 107 pages. Time to shorten it through painful editing...
04/01/16: LMOE Draft 1, Act 3 v0.2 written.
05/12/15: LMOE Draft 1, Act 2 v0.2 written.
28/11/15: LMOE Draft 1, Act 1 v0.2 written.
15/11/15: Ground broken, the first words of "LMOE" are written...
13/11/15: Begun plotting a new modern-day screenplay, initially titled "LMOE".
