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How I wrote a screenplay in 30 days (or less)

21/6/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
(Technically, it was 11 days to the first full draft.)

​"Out of Time" is a comedy, sci-fi adventure screenplay.
​

When the missing, presumed dead, Professor friend of a Parkinson's disease suffering middle-aged man unexpectedly returns, they have only four days to complete a life-saving road trip, only for it to unravel into a dark revelation and the ultimate redemption for everyone. ​Oh, and time travel. Obviously.

I wrote the first end to end draft in 11 days of part-time writing, after work. I wrote the completed first draft in 30 days, although I didn't write at all for at least five of those days.

​This is the story of those 30 days...


You can download a free pdf copy of "Out of Time" here.

​
​Diary of the writing of the "Out of Time" screenplay.

"Out of Time" started as an exercise to see if I could write a screenplay during a week of annual leave. I couldn't. Not even close.

The project coincided with showing my daughter a famous time travelling trilogy, then becoming somewhat obsessed with how a modern 4th film might work, with all of the constraints of the time since the original movies. So, the subject matter suggested itself.


​It was also written to help publicise the Michael J Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research.

So, below is how the first draft was written in 30 consecutive days, even if I didn't write every day. Please note that all dates are in the UK format of day / month.
​

Day 1: 23/05: Planning day: Log line, outline, notes, theme (+ thesis, antithesis, synthesis), Act planning, (30!) plot points / beats to hit, dialogue, detailed Act 2B planning, Timelines /dates, Research (tech, films, TV, celebs, music, brands, clothes and sayings of) 2015, plot point chiasmus, and general research into fan theories and development of the original movie trilogy.

 
Day 2: 24/05: Planning day: Log line, outline, notes, theme (+ thesis, antithesis, synthesis), Act planning, (30!) plot points / beats to hit, dialogue, detailed Act 2B planning, Timelines /dates, Research (tech, films, TV, celebs, music, brands, clothes and sayings of) 2015, plot point chiasmus, and general research into fan theories and development of the original movie trilogy.
And I still haven’t worked out how the thematic points will fit into an Act 3 plot or what that plot actually is!

 
25/05: Bank Holiday Monday:
There was zero chance of any writing today – it was BBQ & alcohol time. This is compulsory & I loved it!

 
Day 4: 26/05: Act 1, page 11 (11 pages)
Monday was a bank holiday & today I was busy plotting Act 2b so I didn’t start writing until very late afternoon. I had hoped to get an Act (27 pages!) done per day but it’s been nothing like it. Still Act 2b is at least serviceable.
I still have to sort out Act 3 though!
I’ve written until 12:30 and got to page 11, just after the inciting incident.
In many ways it’s both easier to write, and slower than I’d imagined. Easier ‘cos it’s lots of white space, single lines of action. Slower ‘cos I thought I’d rip through it, but I’ve still had to stop to work out the details and technicalities.
Still the next 5 or so pages should write themselves. Although, it’s also half term & I have to look after my demanding daughter lots. It’s fun to write even if the tone has been non-stop dour to date. I just hope I get time to write tomorrow, or else it could be a later night!

 
Day 5: 27/05: Act 1, page 27 (16 pages)
I hardly got any time to write today, plus a few scenes required really long research (funeral & wake).
I got to the end of Act 1 but I didn’t get the web cutting into it. Tomorrow I need to check the Act, shorten it & get the web print in before page 27. It’s 11:30 PM. I’m also not getting up until about 10 am either, which doesn’t help.
I thought it would write itself, but it was still a slow slog. And god knows what pace & tone are like. Hopefully the act 2A is a lot more fun to write (and quicker!) The kitchen night scene had unexpected humour. As does the wake, but it may be just too long.
Can I write an Act tomorrow? Act 2A is much lighter. We’ll see.

 
Day 6: 28/05: Act 2A, page 35 (8 pages)
I hardly wrote at all, doing most of the writing in the evening and early hours of the morning. I didn’t feel so good, so sleep for a large part of the day/night.
I spent ages re-reading, correcting and shortening Act 1. I deleted my first scene and magically turned a young boy into a middle-aged woman. This took up most of my writing time. I didn’t re-read any of Act 1 as I wrote it, preferring to get it written rather than get it right first time.
I’m also finding that writing in a different country, five years ago, while trying to follow someone else’s style is really time-consuming. Scene that don’t require research go really easily & quickly. But research really, really slows it down. In fact, you could argue that I’m also writing in a different language ‘cos I have to spell lots of words wrong in the American spelling. Also, just ‘cos I have an outline & some dialogue doesn’t always help ‘cos I still have to make it all happen and be natural and believable.
Anyway, at least the script is out in the open now, with lots of movement. I’m also getting to write more comedy, which is both a blessing and a curse. Comedy is hard, plus it’s easy to veer into cliché territory. I have a montage which could come across as hammy and a trope.
Also, everything is longer than planned. The fear is that the real action is going to eat up pages and I’ll miss the beats. I’m already a page ahead.

 
Day 7: 29/05: Act 2B, page 55 (20 pages) – 3 AM
I have to take my daughter out all day tomorrow so I wanted to write a big chunk today and here I am at the half way point, although I’m not at all sure that I got the thematic argument into the last Act!
Once again, it was really, really slow going because I had to research everything! It’s so hard to write an historic screenplay set in another country. I had to look up the US words for everyday things and activities. I think I could probably write twice as fast if it was set in the UK! Plus, I have to check everything against the time period it’s set in.
Hopefully, I can get to the end of Act 2B / page 80 by the end of Sunday. That’s a pretty cool act, at least to write.
Today was writing the last 60% of Act 2A, which in this script is the road trip part. Hopefully, it was funny without being either too cliched or without being annoying for not containing any time travel! Also, it feels talky, like there’s lots of exposition in it.
I also set up the 3rd Act solution.
Let’s see what it’s like when I review it tomorrow.
I have absolutely no idea if this is any good, or worthy of the legacy of what I’m writing. This is hard. Like really hard.

 
Day 8: 30/05: Act 2B, page 55 (0 pages) –
I spent three hours going back over work to date – trying to make it fit the themes & plot. Even spell checking in American English took forever! Although, I have learnt the difference between a HIGHWAY and an EXPRESSWAY.
I’ve realised that I might have to go over the magic 107 pages to make Act 1 start correctly – it needs a new scene at the start.
No actual new writing today ‘cos I had to take my daughter out all day so my wife could work. But lots of thinking time & decisions about changes.

 
Day 9: 31/05: Act 2B, page 81 (25 pages) – 2:15 AM
As part of my thinking time yesterday, I made the following changes: A new start scene, to be repeated at the end. New gas pumping scene. New car licence plate “NO TIME”. Wedding party women are now Betty & Babs, now middle-aged. Marc tells Arty his problem is something slightly different now. I had to change the first bedroom scene slightly. I also extended the vet scene slightly, and added more PD symptoms. This took me THREE hours. At the end of this I was TWO pages further on. See how slow it all is?
So, so much research. It seems like every other line I have to google something. This is slower than a real 2020 hover board! An hour later and only THREE more pages further on, plus I’m way over where I should be in the page count.
So, act 2B is where the planned plot timeline deviates from the initial page-planned plot. I have no idea if I can fit this into the space left in this Act. I have about 11 pages to write the main action sequences of the movie! That really doesn’t sound like enough.
I actually spent an hour googling for the interior of an obscure 1980’s Brazilian car. One that only sold 18 cars. This is why it’s so slow going.
Right, the granular detail of this plan was hard. Although it is a little easier when you get to copy/paste some sections (thank you time travel!). My worry is that it’s a slog through this sequence, rather than a thrilling joy-ride.
Well, I kinda made it. I’m a few pages away (maybe two?) from the end of Act 2B and the start of Act 3. But it’s gone 2 AM and I have work tomorrow, and those two pages are crucial and need me to be alert to write them, so that’s enough for today.
I have no idea if the sequence I’ve wrote in the last few days is actually any good or not. Oh well, I suppose I’ll only know when I read & spell check it in (hopefully!) the next few days.
Shame I didn’t make it & write a screenplay in a week, but I gave myself no chance. I didn’t start until Tuesday and it wasn’t very well planned. I’ve also got no chance of completing it by Tue ‘cos work won’t leave much time.
Oh well, maybe by the end of next weekend?

 
Day 10: 01/06: Act 3, page 89 (8 pages) – 01:30 AM
I had 15 mins at lunch and only a few hours but I made it into Act 3! I kinda know the plot for the next few pages, and technically I’m only 18 pages from the end, but I have a feeling that the first draft is going to be way over written. I still have no idea what the big Act 3 ending is!
Also, today’s 8 pages were really talky. I need to pick up the action!

 
Day 11: 02/06: Act 3, page 98 (9 pages) – 12:15 AM
I wrote 3 pages in my lunchtime. I’ve now basically reached the end of my planning / plotting. I know the thematic events that have to happen, but I’ve not been able to wrap them in a suitably action-packed ending.
I paused to try to think of an explosive plot. I totally failed.
I realised that I wasn’t thinking two dimensionally! I had to add a few scenes to put everyone in the right place geographically.
Its 10 pm and after some adjustments, I’m now 4 pages further on. I think I could have finished this tonight (inside a week of writing!) if I’d only known how it ends.
I’m not sure if it’s the right way to go, but I added a comedy scene that took me to the absolutely end of my planning. Technically I only have about 9 pages left which doesn’t seem like enough for a big finale.
I might write the denouement next so I know how many pages I’ve got left to play with, for my big finale. But it won’t be many, maybe just 7 or so? Something will come to me. It will come to me as I fall asleep or shower or do something mundane while my brain is elsewhere. I wish it would hurry up though. I’m dying to know how it ends!

 
Day 12: 03/06: Act 3, page 101 (3.5 pages) – 10:50 PM
No lunchtime writing & still no big ending. I’m going to write the denouement next so I’ve done something & so I know how many pages I’ve got left to play with.
I read through the script until about page 50. Without even meaning to I lost ‘some length’ (steady now!) just deleting parts that were over-written. I’m yet to read back through from page 50 to the end, or see where the beats appear, so there could be quite a bit of work to do yet to get it into the right structure. I was going to wait until I’d written the whole thing.
I wrote a 3.5-page denouement, which feels a bit too long, but it’s quite good. I’ll see how it reads tomorrow & again after I’ve written the ‘explosive, thrilling finale’, whatever that is.
Right, I have about 5 to 6 pages for my big ending.
I just need to work out what that ending is!

 
Day 13: 04/06: Act 3, page 101 (0 pages) – 9:00 PM
Big Finale: I have the vaguest beginnings of an idea! I think… Maybe….
I’ve started working it & expanding it, but it’s really hard. There’s about a page of it I could write now, but I want to have the whole idea first before I start writing ‘cos it’s really hard to unpick screenplays later. (Even though that’s the majority of the writing process!)
I went to ruminate & wait for inspiration to strike. It didn’t…

 
Day 14: 05/06: Act 3, page 101 (0 pages) – 8:00 PM
I searched the screenplay and replaced UK 'curb' with US 'kerb'. Fun, fun, fun!
More ‘Big Finale!’ thinking. Little clarity.

 
Day 15: 06/06: Act 3, page 109 (8 pages) – 10:10 PM
I have an idea! It may be too long though. Let’s write it up & see.
But first I added a little joke – It only added a few lines.
OK, let’s see if I can do this in just FIVE pages.
So much for five pages, the first draft took about 7 to 9 pages. But the entire script is subject to a read through and edit so anything could be anywhere yet. All I care about is the relative spacing and length of acts etc. I’ll put the beats in the right places later.
So here I am. The first, entire completed first, unchecked first draft. It took me 11 actual writing days. It’s just over 109 pages long, ending about a third of a page into page 110. Now I need to see if the ending works.
It’s ok, but it needs work. It doesn’t feel climatic enough, have enough conflict or enough of a ticking clock.
A quick analysis and Act 1 is a page too long, Act 2A is half a page too short, Act 2B is two pages too long and Act 3 nearly FOUR pages too short, so I can really go to town on that ending. I need to read through the whole thing first and tomorrow I have to work.
 

Day 16: 07/06: Act 3, page 109 (-0.7 pages) – started 9:30 PM, finished 10:40 PM
I did over 5 hours of actual job work today (on a Sunday!), so not much time for the screenplay.
I’m trying to delete things to get the beats and Act breaks in the right place. It took ages & achieved very little. I was just looking for orphaned lines though. It didn’t help much. I really, really need to read through it all, but that will take time.
A quick analysis and Act 1 is ~ ½ page too long, Act 2A is ~ 1/3 page too long, Act 2B is one and ¾ pages too long and Act 3 THREE pages too short, so I can really go to town on that ending. I have a few ideas on what I can add.
This week at (Covid-19 lock down) work is going to be long hours at work and no lunch hours, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to progress the script at all.

 
Day 17: 08/06: Act 2A, Page 55-ish, pages 107.3 (-1.7 pages) – started 8 PM, finished 11 PM
I read through, the first two acts (out of four). I made corrections, shortened text etc.
After all that, Act 1 is ~ ¼ of a page too long, Act 2A is pretty much spot on, Act 2B is one and ½ pages too long and Act 3 is allegedly FOUR and HALF pages too short. I’ll believe all of this when I get to the end of Act 3. I’m still not sure what I’ll do with the extra space in Act 3. I need a BIG ending, but my leads are limited in what they can do. Still not sure how much time I’ll get to edit tomorrow.

 
09/06 and 10/06 – both 14 hours ‘proper job’ work days – no work on the screenplay.

 
Day 20: 11/06: Act 2B, Page 80-ish, pages 105.6 (-1.7 pages) – started 8 PM, finished 10 PM
I found a mistake in the page count, and Act 3 had about 3 pages less than I thought.
After all that, Act 1 is ~ ¼ of a page too long, Act 2A is pretty much spot on, Act 2B is ~1/5 of a page too long and Act 3 is allegedly 1.75 pages too short, although there’s only 1.4 pages left. I think I’ll just work through Act 3 shortening it where I can, and then added back some of the things missing (e.g. call the cops, search the room, line snaps/interrupted call, and longer being convincing.).
At least Act 2B is now lean and mean.
I still need that BIG ending though!
 

Day 21: 12/06: Act 3 end, Page 107, (+1.6 pages) – started 8 PM, finished 9:30 PM
Yep, did it!
I added almost all of what I wanted to add (not the 2nd phone call though - shame), and got to the end. And I think it’s not too bad. I never did get the big ending, but I think I got the poignant, thematic ending.
OK, the final scores are: Act 1 is ~ ¼ of a page too long, Act 2A is pretty much spot on, Act 2B is ~1/5 of a page too long and Act 3 is a ½ page too short.
Right, over the weekend it’s spell checking, capitalising important words, and then reading through it all in one go.

 
Day 22: 13/06: Act 3 end, Page 107
Spellchecking…
And straight away I see numbers in numerals rather than words in speech. This is going to change the act & script length!
Except it didn’t. It was one incident and I managed to adjust the line to keep it the same length. Spoke to soon, I’ve since found at least two more occasions of it. This will have an effect, but so will the end to end read through re-write.

There were loads of spelling mistakes though, you can tell it was written in a hurry.
The next step is capitalising important words then reading through it, but not today. Today is Saturday and I have plans.

 
Day 23: 14/06: Act 2A end, Pages 107
Right, I CAPITALISED the important words in Act 1, & spell-checked (again). I can’t do anymore because I have too much sun shining on me & my back is hurting too much. Back later!
I also, CAPITALISED the important words in Act 2A. This takes ages! Then spell-checked (again). Right, it’s 2 AM so time for bed. Work tomorrow.

 
Day 24: 15/06: Act 2B end, Pages 107
Not much time tonight – literally just 30 mins. I’m in ACT 2B, CAPITALISED the important words, and I’ve literally got 5 pages into it.

 
Day 25: 16/06: Act 2B end, Pages 107
Two and a half hours later to complete Act 2B, CAPITALISED the important words. So far, I’ve got about half a page to add to Act 3. Let’s see if it’s still there at the end and then I can work out what to do with it.

 
Day 26: 17/06: Act 3 end, Pages 107
Started at 9 PM so not expecting to get much done…
There’s a surprising amount of re-writing going on here, taking up all of the extra ‘space’ for the Act.
I got 15 pages into it (page 95). Let’s see if I can do the final 10 tomorrow.

 
Day 27: 18/06: Act 3 end, Pages 107
Started at 9 PM AGAIN, so not expecting to get much done tonight either…
(I was typing the word HANDS and somehow managed to type NADS…)
Got to the end, which is now page 106.3. Which means I have about ½ of a page to expand Act 3. I think that the very end could do with more work plus maybe the ‘big’ finish. But I’ll sleep on it.

 
Day 28: 19/06: Act 1 end, Pages 107
I’ve got a new ending! Not sure I can get it into 26 ¾ pages though. Here goes…
I crammed it all in.
 Now to read it all from the start (later).

I only did the first act, which took ages. I had CAPITALISED far too many words, and re-write far too much of it. Hopefully, Act 2A tomorrow…

 
Day 29: 20/06: Act 2A end, Pages 107
OK, on wards. Now Act 2A. Again, I had CAPITALISED far too many words, and I decided on better word choices etc.  Now Act 2B…
In the end I completed Acts 2B & Act 3 without much drama.
I then wrote a fan fiction disclaimer for the start and a link to the Michael J Fox Foundation ( MJFF) at the end. Now for a web page!

 
Day 30: 21/06: Act 3 + disclaimer, pages 107
And now there’s a web page for the script and this diary!


Now I have to leave it alone for a while and think about what draft 2 might look like...

Darren White
21-June-20
0 Comments

Diary of a screenplay Part 1: 2015 & 2016

12/5/2020

0 Comments

 
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This is my diary of the development of my screenplay 'Land of Fear' from its inception in 2015, hopefully right up to when the industry recognises its merits, and someone agrees to produce it.

There will be one blog for every full year of development, so unless it sells in 2020, you won't get the development blog until January 2021. If you can't wait that long then there is a constantly updated news & development diary at the bottom of its web page.

So, below is Part 1, the 2015/16 diary, with the occasional comment from me in red (maybe).

Oh, and the best way to read this is from the bottom up to the top. Obviously.


(Darren White 12th May 2020)


 
​Oct 2016 to Jan 2017: too busy at my day job to work on American Die. Sorry.


16-Oct-16 AmDie: Removed hand held scene. New soldier joke. Re-checking Eve, on p24. 


15-Oct-16 AmDie: New intro to Eve. New Clark intro. More Lewis. 


08-Oct-16 AmDie: Added Webster REDACTED line. 


22-Sep-16 AmDie: Changed a line of Eve's dialogue.


15-Sep-16 AmDie: Completed Eve's dialogue.


13-Sep-16 AmDie: Working through Eve's dialogue, got as far as page 50.


11-Sep-16 AmDie: Changes Eve's last words. Removed a short hand-held scene. All character dialogue revised except Eve.


05-Sep-16 AmDie: Completed Jaax & Preston.

​
04-Sep-16 AmDie: Eve clothes white to black. More military slang. Read through Captain.


03-Sep-16 AmDie: Captn Catchphases: REDACTED & REDACTED. Added Military slang. Tweaked John & Eugene dialogue. (#tag & allergies/sprint)


01-Sep-16 AmDie: Having trouble finding unique voices. Made changes to Det Clark. Maybe I need to base them on a person/character? Signed off on Adam, John, Lizzie, Carol, Lewis, Troy, Kim & Zoe.


31-Aug-16 AmDie: Carol done. Troy done. Adam done. John done. Kim done. Lizzie done. Captn done. Frank / Lewis / Webster done. All done.
DW: Done what exactly? Unique voice?



30-Aug-16 AmDie: Det Clark done. Is this story emotional enough? Use the Truby book to add emotional depth to the end / Eve.
DW: Nope.



29-Aug-16 AmDie: Eve crosses lines re: vaccine. Geek #1 becomes Eugene. Developed Unity of Opposites. Zoe done. Eugene done.
DW: Eugene would later get another name / race change, and dialogue in his language.



28-Aug-16 AmDie: Added Clark's no hospital drive. Blindfold Clark. Eve joke epiphany. Eve/Carol REDACTED symbolism. 2 REDACTED left. Eye @ start. John sunglasses. Clark shades eyes. Soldiers metal barricades. Jaax has glasses. Eye patched Captn. Troy & Webster glasses. Clark goggles.
DW: Note the 'issues with seeing' symbolism.



24-Aug-16 AmDie: Zoe goes to climate change. Eve & Kim get REDACTED samples. Ending: Eve waits for REDACTED 2 REDACTED.
​
​
19-Aug-16 AmDie: Removed Carol doesn't 'go home' plot hole. Eve stabs REDACTED.


18-Aug-16 AmDie: Tweaked various lines of dialogue. Analysed structure. 


17-Aug-16 AmDie: Removed dialogue from soldiers. 109 pages. At end, 1 REDACTED & Eve stabs REDACTED to save REDACTED.


14-Aug-16 AmDie: Finished checking soldiers. Re-read to remove chars, found none.


12-Aug-16 AmDie: Removed a speaking part - gave to Det Clark. Continued checking soldiers. P87

​
​11-Aug-16:
​How to Survive the Next Catastrophic Pandemic
This might have gone by the time you read this!


11-Aug-16 AmDie: Corrected John's age & description. Added President Trump. Giving soldiers names & removed one. Up to Page 44.
DW: I'm pretty sure that President Trump wasn't a thing back then, so how prophetic was I? It was supposed to be a horrific thing. Again, how prophetic am I?



09-Aug-16 AmDie: Editing recent additions. Change Adam to indistinct. Zoe recognizes Eve? Changing Troy's voice. Cap speaks of hero/villian duality. USAMRIID


08-Aug-16 AmDie: Added business speak to Troy. Eve is now in the office with Troy.


08-Aug-16 AmDie: Checked new finale. Updated as per 2nd coverage. Made Carol more resentful of Eve. Added hand held slug lines. Added pyres to end.


02-Aug-16 AmDie: Feedback from @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com "great world building and a very consistent sense of tone. You painted a very engaging picture of the world slowly starting to crumble", "nice attention to detail with the specifics of the outbreak like how the military responded, what viruses mutated together etc." & "a masterful sense of tone".


02-Aug-16 AmDie: Analyzed 2nd coverage report. Changed title. Changed 1st scene VO.


02-Aug-16 AmDie: Changed the working title of the script from LMOE to American Die. What do you think of the name change? 
DW: That name changed stayed until 2020...


01-Aug-16 LMOE: New REDACTED and Zoe ending.


31-July-16 LMOE: 1st & 2nd amendments suspended. Save the world becomes change the world. Terrorist attack, in car.


28-July-16 LMOE: Crucified priest. Do we deserve to live? Logo behind Troy. Eve gives Kim the pic she came for. Banner in stream.
DW: Wow, all big moments. Still there.


27-July-16 LMOE: Removed Lewis' mum, vet & doc. Finished Checking structure.


26-July-16 LMOE: Changed TV lines to highlight REDACTED analogy. Changed TV to a camp REDACTED. Making Acts end with more 'decision points' where Eve has a choice. Done: Act 1, 2a, (check 2b & 3), Checking structure / pacing @ P42


​25-July-16 LMOE: Strengthened Eve's decision at the end of Act 2b

​
22-July-16 LMOE: REDACTED shot down with Stinger SAM 
​


21-July-16 LMOE: Added REDACTED to Troy cabin. Removed board members. Removed Housekeeper.


20-July-16 LMOE: New John takes REDACTED scene. Moved a hook scene to church.108 pages long.


19-July-16 LMOE: Shortened fast scenes until the end. New REDACTED ending. P110


18-July-16 LMOE: Plot conference with proof readers. Shortened copter crash. P85 end of Act 2b


16-July-16 LMOE: Made Kim 'sweary Mary'. P35


15-July-16 LMOE: Added REDACTED to REDACTED's death. P54
DW: Well that's informative. Thrilling.

14-July-16 LMOE:
 
Beefed up Eve can't go Act1. Shortened the Clark/John shot action, then the Clark stairs action. Added some REDACTED. P46


13-July-16 LMOE: Changes to end of Act 2b. Made the low point more obvious. Changed end of Act 1 - made it more obvious. Mentioned Adam. Added infection VFX to John, sub guy & Clark on the island.
DW: The low point would still be an issue four long years later.
​​

12-July-16 LMOE: Fixed variations on Eve's name. Moved all page numbers to the right. Corrected naked sluglines.
DW: That's a formatting technicality right there.


11-July-16 LMOE: Analysed the coverage for changes and potential solutions to problems. Changed Eve's Europe opportunity. Changed Act 2b Eve VO.


11-July-16 LMOE: Thanks to coverage from  www.wescreenplay.com the next draft will include character and structure clarifications, a slight pacing correction, a gem of an idea, maybe a new ending, and maybe a unique new genre element. 
DW: I wonder what that 'gem' was?

11-July-16 LMOE: Feedback from  www.wescreenplay.com "You’re off to a good start, and it’s clear that you’re a talented writer", "That isn’t to say that this type of film won’t do well in the market" & "You’re on the right track".


DW: Aw shucks...
​


10-July-16 LMOE: Made a slight change to the end of Act 1, but it still needs more work.


06-July-16 LMOE: Checked all the milestones. Wrote 3 alternative 1st pages then decided on the best.


06-July-16 LMOE: Submitted draft v3.1 of LMOE to www.wescreenplay.com for pro coverage. I should have it in just 72 hours!

06-July-16 LMOE: Draft v3.1 of LMOE registered with the WGA West Registry, ready to be sent out for pro coverage:

Documentation of Registration
Registrant: Darren White
Author: Darren White 
LMOE v3.1
Registration Number: 1849342
MATERIAL TYPE: 
FILE NAME: LMOE by Darren White.pdf
EFFECTIVE DATE: 7/6/2016
EXPIRATION DATE: 7/6/2021

Thank you for your registration. Your material has been successfully registered with the WGAW Registry. Registrations are valid for a term of five years and can be renewed upon expiration. 
DW: Like a true amateur!

05-July-16 LMOE: I looked up & averaged the margins sizes in inches for US letter paper. I then applied the new margins to v3.1 of the script. I need to print & double check the margins. I then read through the script looking for orphaned lines. It's now 109 pages - perfect! I now just need to check where the various sections now end & update the graphs etc in my notes.

03-July-16 LMOE: Copied LMOE v3.0 to my Kindle to proof read. Not started reading yet.


01-July-16 LMOE: Finished reading through. With the new additions it's 110.5 pages long, so I need to lose at least a page, preferably 3! Will check the margins first before I try to edit any lines out.
DW: I think I'm still using MS Word at this point. Weird.

30-June-16 LMOE: Last day of changes - Barrel of a gun, want / take father, FAT Test, DC & Eve call, virulent / contagious, overrun base solution, Kim / Eve & her / him, luggage, roof camps. Edited as far as Page 68 out of 110.

DW: Again, I know what they refer to & most of them are still there..

29-June-16 LMOE: Still working through the list of changes. They are: Sign on roof. Gangs shoot down chopper. Cave death baptism of fire. Under fire in water. Burnt out building. Corpse gap jump & grab/trip. Eve keeps shoes on. Army, r's, gangs. Carol less weird. 
I've extended it all by a couple of pages, so I need to lose at least 1 page. I'm now reading through the script and I've got as far as page 14.
DW: Again, I know what they refer to & most of them are still there..

28-June-16 LMOE: Made a number of changes to the latest draft. Without explaining them, they are: Gave the Detective a beard to show the passage of time. Pack mentality. Nurses uniform. Sneeze on sub guy. Tear gas. Confused?
DW: I'm not...

27-June-16 LMOE: Began Draft 3.0 rework. Added four new instances of symbolism. Added a rat lunch box, literally. Added multi-views of one of the last scenes. Added burnt out cars to the start. Made the girls scream at flying bullets. Added gas sign.

26-June-16 Action / Adventure Film & Screenplay Festival confirmed the LMOE submission. Expect to hear back in 3-5 weeks with feedback and results. (That's 17-July to 31-July.)

​25-June-16 LMOE: I submitted my "LMOE" action, adventure, sci-fi, horror screenplay to @watchmoviesfree via http://FilmFreeway.com ! 

23-June-16 LMOE: Glorious v3.0 draft completed & shared for review. Free to start work on LMOE v3.0!

01-June-16 LMOE: Held a really great two hour script review session with my reviewers Neil D & Adam H. I have loads to add to the next draft.
DW: One of those suggestions is still in it, in a minor form. Nothing big though. Just a little background thing.

27-May-16 LMOE: Got coverage from my second reviewer, Adam Hughes. Some good stuff here. Thank you.
​
25-May-16 LMOE: Got my first coverage from Neil Durkin. Some good stuff here.

06/05/16 LMOE: I gave the latest draft to two friends to review.
​
17/04/16 LMOE: A bit of a sidetrack from working on 'glorious'. In a flash of inspiration I wrote 21 notes to myself of changes for draft 3.0 including a blinding bit of symbolism. I'm just procrastinating now from working on 'glorious'...

​09/04/16 LMOE: I made a few changes today based on things I saw when I was printing v2.0 for an editor. Now I'm on to draft v2.1. Actually, I'm going to do something else while I wait for feedback from editors...

06/04/16 LMOE: So I gave my script to 3 friends today. Just waiting for any feedback now...

05/04/16 LMOE: A huge plot hole just occurred to me today. One quick fix later. Then I spent most of the night trying to convert a word / pdf doc into a Kindle .mobi that preserves the screenplay format. This page was useful. Anyone want to read it? Contact me via the contacts page.

04/04/16 LMOE: I made a few plot hole fix changes but I mostly watched the season finale of 'The Walking Dead'. Time to give it to a few friends people for feedback.
DW: Can anyone work out from the date which season finale that was? 

03/04/16 LMOE: I finished reading through the pdf version on a tablet. I made about 11 mark-ups / changes. Afterwards I was in a really bad mood because I couldn't tell if it was any good. 

02/04/16 LMOE: I just realized that two scenes fail the Bechdel test and it's imperative to the plot that they do. I'll see what I can do but I'm not promising anything. Still, plenty of films pass the test but still aren't exactly feminist paradigms, just see here.
DW: One of those scenes is still in it! In 2020. And do you know what? I ain't removing it, so there.

01/04/16 LMOE: I made some minor modifications to Draft 2 Act 3 today, then I quickly re-read about 30 pages from the start. I plan to convert it to a pdf then read it on a tablet & see if I can spot any errors, then I have 8 directives - like look for plot holes - to work through. This could take sometime. Page 0 / 109 

31/03/16 LMOE: Finished Act III. I had to rework the act to fit in with earlier changes. I also took lots of dialogue out to get it down to 109 (letter sized) pages. I hope I didn't take too much out. I realized today that this script may not be 'high concept' enough to sell. 'Gladiators vs Zombies' it ain't. I'm really not sure about Act III... 

​30/03/16 LMOE: A plot hole occurred to me today. When I thought about it, another four occurred to me. I spent today fixing them. I'm going to cryptically call them "Carol not talking", "left knife", "short incubation", "dumpster time lapse" and "dog pack". Am I just putting off editing the last act? Page 90 / 110.
DW: None of these scenes, and therefore, none of these fixes, made it into the 2020  drafts...

​29/03/16 LMOE: Today was a bit of a technical day. I removed some unnecessary transitions, then I went back over Draft 2 Act 1. I took about 0.6 of a page from the whole screenplay (a massive 0.2 'pages' from Act 1!) I noticed that I'm utterly blind to the script quality. I've read it too many times to know if it's any good. Oh well, onwards to Draft 2 Act 3. Page 81/110.
DW: I had transitions in there? Really?

​28/03/16 LMOE: I just couldn't leave it. I went back to Draft 2 Act 2, fixed some things - especially the CPR scene - and removed about a page. If I could remove the extra page from the Act 1 then I'd be happy just removing one last page from Act 3. Page 80/111.

​27/03/16 LMOE: I've made it to the end of Draft 2 Act 2! It took a monster effort, but I'm finally there. It's a page or two too long, and subsequently Act 3 is about 3.5 pages too long, but I'll get to the end and then come back to fix it. I wrote an incorrect CPR scene and it's bugging me. Anyway it's 2:35am on Easter Monday and time for bed. Page 81/111.
DW: I would (much, much) later turn that CPR scene on it's head and write against expectation. That's how I squash tropes and cliches!

​26/03/16 LMOE: Added a new scene at the start, changed a few small things, tightened some dialogue and cut out a page worth. Page 75/112.
​
23/03/16 LMOE: Fixed a couple of minor plot holes. Then had a stab at the new scene I had to write. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. The only problem is that I added the two removed pages back in. Still more to do. Currently on page 76/112. 

21/03/16 LMOE: Edited about 11 pages then stopped when I got to writing a new scene. I also have to lose a few pages. Not my finest days work.

17/03/16 LMOE: Today I re-read the first 53 pages (Act 1 & 1st half of Act 2) in one 30 minute session and made some corrections & tweaks. Hhmm, I'm not sure if it actually hangs together, or if it's too abrupt. I'll wait until I can read the whole thing in one go to decide that.

16/03/16 LMOE: All I did today was to make a few (very important) tweaks - I love it when one word can add a whole new level of meaning or ambiguity - and a lot of new notes to myself in Acts 2 & 3. I left a reminder to myself in the script. It simply says, "Are you proud of every scene? Put the work in!" Good advice indeed.

15/03/16 LMOE: I did nothing today but note the page numbers of the remaining 18 beats & milestones. I've got to lose about 2.5 pages of the 30 pages of Act 2, Part 2 and then a further 2 pages from Act 3 (currently about 29 pages).  I know roughly where the Act 2 edits are, but I've got no idea how I'm going to add scenes and still lose 2 pages.

14/03/16 LMOE: I've got to the end of editing Act 2, Part 1 (page 53). I still don't think this is the last I'll work on this. This section is just too darn important.
DW: Little did I know that I'd still be working on it over FOUR years later!

09/03/16 LMOE: I've got to the end of editing a really, really important scene, but I'm not at all happy with it. I'm now about 50 pages into it (23 into Act 2) but I feel I'll be going over and over these last 10 & next 2 pages over and over again...

08/03/16 LMOE: I've edited about another 10 pages into Act 2, part 1, with the first run through the two of the three plot points done. There's less "add jeopardy" comments now, but I have marked the really pivotal next section as "This section is a mess. Not clear." I also have to add a re-occurring character into the scene. Tricky.
​DW: I have literally no idea who this is referring to! I could go & find the draft then try to work it out, but life is really too short.

07/03/16 LMOE: 17 pages into Act 2, part 1, with about another 10 to go to finish the first plot point. I've swapped this whole section with the original Act 2 start, so there's quite a lot of continuity to change. I've also had to add an important new scene to make this draft make sense. Hard work. I've also written "Add Jeopardy" in red all other these pages, so there's more work to be done!

03/03/16 LMOE: I've got LMOE Draft 2, Act 1 down to 27.9 pages (0.9 pages too long) but I'm going to leave it there for now and move on, because I just can't lose that extra page. All my beats and milestones land spot on, with the exception of the Act end. I've spent a month on those 28 pages. Time to move on...

02/03/16 LMOE: A few words on how much writing I get to do. This is it: my lunch hour and a few hours in the evening before I get too tired. That's it. No wonder it takes so long.
DW: That is WAY more then I do these days!

01/03/16 LMOE: I've finished LMOE Draft 2, Act 1 but it's way too long - by about 3 pages. Edit time. Remember, don't get it right, get it written!
DW: Wise words mate!

28/02/16: Still re-writing LMOE Draft 2. This is hard... I've been writing and re-writing the first 17 pages for three weeks, but I finally think I've finished it! Just 10 more pages to re-write and Draft 2, Act 1 is done!

22/02/16 LMOE: May have completed the first half of the re-write of LMOE Act 1 v2.0, but it's way too long. More editing.

01/02/16: Begun the mammoth LMOE re-write process.

31/01/16: Completed the analysis & re-plotting of LMOE Draft 2 v2.0. I now have a working analysis and structure of modern movies that I can re-use for all future screenplays.
DW: And reuse I have...

21/01/16: Editing and feedback  of LMOE Draft v1.0 is stopped. I've realized that the first draft as written (as a series of interconnected stand-alone stories, each representing a different movie style) lacks the necessary emotional depth. Begun a re-plot of it with a single protagonist to connect the stories.
DW: this was an important change. I've not read the original version for a while, but I think it just might be pants...

19/01/16: First full draft of LMOE registered with the WGA West Registry:
Documentation of Registration
Registrant: Darren White
Author: Darren White 
LMOE
Registration Number: 1820774
FILE NAME: LMOE v1.0.pdf
EFFECTIVE DATE: 1/19/2016
EXPIRATION DATE: 1/19/2021
Thank you for your registration. Your material has been successfully registered with the WGAW Registry. Registrations are valid for a term of five years and can be renewed upon expiration. Please note that changes cannot be made once your registration is completed.

19/01/16: First completed full LMOE Draft 1, v1.0 finished. I got it down to 109 pages, but it took so much work. It's printed, bound and given to an editor for feedback.

04/01/16: First completed full script - LMOE Draft 1, v0.95 written. It's way too long at 120 pages though. I'm aiming for 107 pages. Time to shorten it through painful editing...
​
04/01/16: LMOE Draft 1, Act 3 v0.2 written.

05/12/15: LMOE Draft 1, Act 2 v0.2 written. 

28/11/15: LMOE Draft 1, Act 1 v0.2 written.

15/11/15: Ground broken, the first words of "LMOE" are written...

13/11/15: Begun plotting a new modern-day screenplay, initially titled "LMOE", which stands for Last Man On Earth.
0 Comments

The Robots are Revolting!

5/1/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture
A ‘topical’ review of the novel 'Robopocalypse' by Daniel H. Wilson, just two years after it was originally released!

3.5 out of 5

I don’t usually write reviews on my blog, well not requested reviews anyway, and I don’t intend to start – I’ll leave that to bloggers  with much more of an interest in that sort of thing than me - but I have to right a bit of a wrong, especially now that I’m a published author myself.

In 2012 I wrote an Amazon.co.uk review of Daniel H. Wilson’s Robopocalypse, a book about a future robot uprising against humanity, led by a super villainous Artificial Intelligence called Archos, and how we, or rather a handful of mostly Americans, fought back to eventual victory.

Daniel obviously knows his stuff when it comes to robots. He has a PhD in Robotics, a Masters Degree in AI & Robotics, and a BSc Degree in Computer Science. He builds a plausible future populated by all manner of servant robots. I have previously read earlier works by Daniel and enjoyed them immensely. Hell, I’ve even bought another of his books while I wrote this. Remarkable, he even sold the movie rights to Steven Spielberg no less, before the book was even released!

So, I had high hopes for this book. Very high hopes, indeed. I’d just read the socio-political, but deeply emotional masterpiece that is World War Z by Max Brooks, and hoped that that this would be a ‘ bad robot’ version of that book. Maybe my expectations were too high, or maybe I wanted an exact replica of WWZ, but I was ultimately bitterly disappointed and gave it a bit of a kicking in my original review. I think that I need to readdress the balance a little.

Warning, spoilers abound!

Firstly, what’s good about the book:
The near future world he builds, populated by a multitude of servant robots is detailed, plausible and well-constructed. This is an area in which he excels.

The scene where the AI is activated in cautionary isolation, kills the human ‘operator’, then finds an ingenious way to connect to, then escape into the wider world is pure genius. It’s really inventive and masterfully written. It also chillingly demonstrates the advantage that faster thoughts, actions and communication would give the AI over us. This could be a prophetic warning about our own future, although I believe that true AI will immerge from augmenting our minds, and we’ll be the Skynet / Archos of the real future, and therefore not very likely to slaughter ourselves out of existence.

There’s a great scene of puny humans versus metal and plastic serving robot engaged in hand to hand combat, in which the humans are mercilessly mangled by the robot. This shows just how painfully vulnerable we’d be.

The Terminator series could learn a lot from this book. Killing machines don’t have to be elaborate and intelligent, or even vaguely humanoid. There are some gruesomely effective, but elegantly simple killing ‘bots in here, like exploding devices that initially burrow into your body along your bloodstream. Beat that ‘Terminator: Genesis’.

(Warning Super Spoilers) The AI ‘installs’ itself into a frozen, inhospitable, snowy wasteland, many miles from humanity, thereby providing a simple, but effective, organic protection and cooling system. To create this ‘lair’, the AI tricks humans into boring into a deadly radioactive nuclear test cavern, from which they die of radiation sickness, thus disposing of them and providing a defence against any future human attackers. The AI, and its legions of robot defenders, are utterly impervious to this radiation threat. This is well thought through, and exactly how an inhuman, super intellect might behave.

The book has received considerable criticism for a lack of jeopardy, due to a narrative which starts in a post war world, in which the victorious survivors recount the events of the AI’s creation and subsequent conflict. I think this is unfair. Apocalypse stories are now old hat and ten a penny. This book avoids telling a story we all know and instead concentrates on personal stories and goals from the conflict, and attempts to mine them for the required jeopardy.

However, building a novel from a patchwork of personal accounts of the events is difficult. Having a character speak the story would be a resounding car crash and at some point you have to switch into an archetype present-tense narration of the action. In this respect I think that the book actually does quite a decent job, even if each flashback is preceded by a dreadfully clunky, contrived introduction, which is a terrible way to stitch the action together. The problems really only start with the unrealistic characters, poor dialogue and badly explained action within each flashback. The lack of jeopardy actually stems from characters we don’t care about doing things we can’t believe.

What’s not so good:
The murderous, hyper intelligent AI that orchestrates the worldwide slaughter only exits in one location – it’s not a distributed system and it doesn’t even make a single copy / back up of itself. I can’t believe that an intelligence thousands of times greater than our own doesn’t practice even the simplest of disaster recovery precautions, and I really can’t believe that the author didn’t consider it either. I can only presume that logic was secondary to servicing the highly unlikely plot.

The characters and treatment of non-American, especially UK protagonists – see the original review below for more information.

None of the characters sound authentic. They all seem to speak with the same voice, even the non-American ones (unforgivable!) and they’re basically the cast of the Village People with a few borderline racist stereotypes thrown in to delineate the world wide scale of the uprising.

The big bad AI is named after the rubbish French budget tablet I wasted my money on during the Christmas 2012 holidays. (Ok, this is a personal niggle.)

My greatest issue with Daniel’s writing is that none of it feels organic. Implausible situations arise to service the plot, people are paper thin caricatures who behave without logic, and talk like supporting characters in a brain-dead Hollywood blockbuster. Worse, obstacles are overcome by the most contrived ‘deus ex machinas’ possible. Even, the AI’s motivations for attacking us, and its love/hate relationship with us, is muddled, confusing and deeply unsatisfying.

Ultimately, this book disappoints in a way that is all too familiar in our lowest common denominator, anti-intellectual 21st century world. There are no great truths to be unearthed here. This is not a sophisticated analogy for any human trait or foible. It’s all bang and bluster. It’s ultimately about nothing but itself and seems to only exist on its own singular superficial level.

It is unfortunately exactly what it initially appears to be – a detailed outline for a particular low-brow, ‘park your brain in neutral’, noisy, summer blockbuster movie. Given the authors background, you would be entitled to expect something more intellectually stimulating, or at least something that has additional levels for those of us who enjoy unearthing hidden depths.

I’m not saying this to be elitist or demonstrate how clever I am. But a book like this getting so much attention (and sales!) is indicative of the world we now live in. Book sales are in free fall. Movies get dumber and shallower every year. Televisions is full of reality shows populated by celebrated morons. Our children have attention deficit syndrome. Our young adults, the so-called Generation Y, can’t make decisions for themselves and ignorantly don’t have the patience to learn lessons from history. For a story about the Rise of the Robots, it could unintentionally teach us more about the Rise of the Idiots.

If it is intentionally about anything, then it’s a warning about not being lazy and in too much of a hurry to offload our drudgery onto robots, and to be mindful of the unintentional consequences. If we start to sub-contract manual labour, or even simple chores to automatons then putting our thinking out to tender may not be too far behind, and we really have to proceed very cautiously before we enter that territory.

Strangely, the book doesn’t seem to give us technology for its own sake. It doesn’t fetishize technology in any way, as you might expect given the author. The future tech on display appears only to serve the story. Unfortunately, this only makes it feel like a less than totally complete and convincing exercise in world building. Maybe I’m just nit-picking.

Judging the book with the greater perspective that the passage of time affords, I would now give it 3.5 out of 5 stars, instead of the original woeful 2 out of 5.

World War Z went on to be an appalling, soulless (boring!) bloodless, mess of a movie. What’s the betting that in the hands of Spielberg, Robopocalypse will spawn a triumphant human story of personal adversity set against spectacular worldwide genocide, if and when it ever gets made.  (It’s currently on indefinite hold because Spielberg considers the current scripts too expensive to film.)

Anyway, here’s the original 2012 review in full:

18 of 21 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Read World War Z instead, 19 Feb 2012
Amazon Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Robopocalypse (Paperback)

I so wanted to love this book. I thought that the writers background, Spielberg's buying of the movie rights from galleys, and all of the great reviews, would guarantee a technological & emotional roller coaster, a magnificent world striding tour de force - in short, a modern sci-fi classic. What we got instead was a small, largely badly written, jingoistic, borderline racist, "isn't America the greatest country on Earth" movie treatment; and not a very good one at that!

Admittedly, the robots are far more imaginative than anything the Terminator movies dreamt up, but it all feels very small and lacking in any real jeopardy. With the whole world to write about the entire story involves a small handful of people whose lives are intertwined in the most contrived ways possible - then written about in the most mundane way possible. The writing is so poor that at times you can't decipher what's being described.

Oh, and if you're British, prepare for a London where Trafalgar Square has FIRE HYDRANTS and hoodies say things like "see you in the funny pages". You can tell where all of the writer's research went!

The final straw for me was reading about how the Indian, Chinese, Russia & Eastern European armies failed in their attempt to destroy the AI because they didn't wait for a handful of American's (the world's saviours, yet again - YAWN!) to show them how to do it. Not that it's any old Americans - no, it's Indians being led by cowboys! (Note: America, your history may seem like a long time ago to you, but to us it's the blink of an eye and has been done to DEATH! Get over it. It's now very, very tired to the rest of us.)

If you want to read a book of true worldwide conflict, human suffering, adversity and courage, then do yourself a real favour and read World War Z instead.



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darrenwhite is the author of the science fiction short story collection "Memes of Loss and Devotion".

1 Comment

The future of independent publishing, as I see it.

3/11/2013

1 Comment

 
Being an independent author is hard. Very hard. You have to do it all for yourself. It's not enough that you consume your soul producing 70,000 compelling words; you then have to become an expert in cover design and typesetting. Then you have to become an expert marketer. Then you have to do all of the manual labour and heavy lifting yourself. Gaining traction and maintaining momentum is so hard when it's all just you. You can’t rest for a moment. You can’t rest and you’re often stretched in many different directions at once.

So why did I do it? Writing itself is a compulsion that I can’t resist. So the question can’t refer to the actual writing, that’s a given. So the question must refer to why did I publish independently? The main answer is for control. Control of both of my image and my output, and to be honest for the potentially better royalty rate. I had also become disillusioned with a traditional publishing route that seemed to shun newcomers unless you had an advocate on the inside. It seemed a case of whom you know and not what you know. 

What’s the best part of it? Being the one in control and writing what I want to - have to - write, without someone else dictating what is commercially viable.  After all, how do you know whether a market exists without offering the actual product first?

So, would I do it again? Yes, absolutely! The sense of achievement is far, far greater when you’ve done it all for yourself. You can look at every aspect of production and take pride that “you made this”. You also get to learn from your mistakes, and know that next time it will be even better. Of course, there’s the small matter of writing at least 40,000+ words before you get to try again. Actually, it’s more like having a stupendously original, mind-blowing idea, then composing 70,000 to 100,000 gripping words, written multiple times over, before you get another chance.

I’ve had some experience of traditional publishing routes and the journey can end very abruptly and without warning. In the indie world, you set the acceptance criteria, the pace and the quality gates. Then of course, you take all of the plaudits for the success. Also, in the indie world, your work is out there forever. It won’t go out of print or be pulped. You can play a much longer game. That’s why I chose the indie route, and that’s why I’d do it again.

But I think that if indie publishing is to thrive and prosper them something has to be done about the variable quality of output. The unacceptably poor quality of some releases is choking the output of the more professional authors, like weeds choking a fragile blossom. I’m getting tired of opening books, some with very professional and enticing covers, only to find that the writing is amateurish, not even vaguely engaging, and most unforgivable of all, full of spelling and grammatical mistakes. All indie publishers are being tarnished with the same brush of ineptitude, and it is very hard for readers to trust indie authors and sort the marvellous wheat from the dreadful chaff.

There’s a saying that everyone has a novel in them, unfortunately, for most ‘authors’ that is exactly where it should have stayed! There needs to be some reliable method of ensuring quality control and I don’t think that leaving it to the market, to bloggers and reader reviews, is reliable enough. My hope is that a few really trusted review websites will rise to prominence and the consumer will have a universally trusted source of quality measurement. Not that quality is always required to generate sales! But that’s a very different story, and I won’t name names…

Some really big hitters of the literary world have chosen the indie route, mainly for the control and greater financial rewards. The hard part is for competent writers to break through all of that noise and find their rightful audience. If good indie authors don’t find readers in sufficient numbers, then they will have no option but to revert back to the traditional publishing route, and that will significantly reduce the number of good writers who can publish their work. We may find that some very fine authors just don’t have the drive and self-promotional tools to push their enjoyable work through the publisher’s filter. 



If we allow that to happen, then we’re all going to be losers.

1 Comment

How I became US Tax exempt in 11 minutes…I think.

14/10/2013

3 Comments

 
As you probably know, Amazon deducts US tax at a rate of 30% from all Amazon Kindle eBook sales, regardless of your nationality. You are then supposed to fill in a tax return to claim the money back. Filling in the tax return requires an Individual Tax Identification Number (ITIN), and that’s where the problems start. Apparently, getting that ITIN requires all sort of certified copies of a picture ID, which in turn requires sending passports etc. to the US or visiting the US embassy in London.

There is an alternative – instead you call a dedicated US tax office in Philadelphia and simply ask for an alternative form of ITIN called an Employer Identification Number (EIN) for a foreign entity. But wait you say, you’re not an employer. Well, it works just as well for sole traders / proprietors.

I called the US IRS on +1 267 941 1099 via Skype on my laptop and the 11 minute call from the UK cost me 20p, although I’m told that you can call for free from Google Talk. They will ask you for your phone number so be sure to give them your landline / mobile. Follow the automated options (it was 1 or 2), wait in the queue and then when answered tell them that you want to apply for an Employer Identification Number (EIN) for a foreign entity.

The nice lady I spoke to (she even called me sir in that marvellous American way) asked if I had completed a SS-4 form. She was disappointed when I answered “no” but admitted that it was not mandatory. Then I had to spell out my information (name, address, phone number, country etc.) and confirm it when she read it back.

She then asked if it was for ‘compliance with withholding’ tax. I confirmed that it was and she asked what it was for. When I told her it was for selling eBooks she wished me luck and then read out my EIN. I made a note of it and kept it very, very safe. She said that that they would send me a conformation letter but so far I’ve not received it.

Then all you have to do is complete the Amazon on-line W8-BEN form and give them your brand spanking new EIN number, and that’s where it all went wrong for me. 

My Amazon KDP account said “Submitted. Your tax information has been submitted and is under review by the Internal Revenue Service (IRS). Tax information cannot be changed during this time. Your account status will be updated if further information is necessary.” They then contacted me to say that they had no record of it or I had filled the form in incorrectly or something. 

I resubmitted my info, got the above message again and waited for confirmation. Except that now I’m left in limbo, as the US government immediately stopped processing tax information due to the US Federal shutdown.

Those lovely people at Amazon saved the day by promising to withhold my royalties until my 0% tax rate had been confirmed. This means that I could go ahead and launch my sci-fi / horror anthology “Memes of Loss and Devotion”.

So, that’s how I sorted out my tax with just one 11 minute phone call. Maybe.

3 Comments

It's All In The Edit!

14/3/2013

0 Comments

 
Blogs are like buses it would seem. You wait five months for one then two come along in the same week! This blog is all about my experiences with editing and editors – why you need it, what it really is, how to get one and why bother in the first place.

“The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon. You can always do it better, find the exact word, the apt phrase, the leaping simile.”
Robert Cormier

So, why do we (writers) actually need editing and editors at all? I mean, we’re all pretty good aren’t we? We’ve studied and worked at it. We know our stuff. But we’re not perfect. No matter how many times we review our work, not matter how many different media we use (screen, tablet, paper etc) we’re always going to miss something.

What if your readers can spot grammatical errors that you didn't know were there? What if they see holes in your logic? Or loose ends you forgot to tie up? What if you’re blind to your reoccurring errors, like ‘they’re/their/there’, ‘it’s/its’ or the reoccurring horror of the incorrect inverted comma.

Every mistake in grammar, spelling, sentence structure, and overall organization; in fact anything that trips up the smooth flow of ideas from your mind to the readers is a potential showstopper. Enough errors can mean complete failure.

Before you publish your work, you need an expert pair of eyes to review it for errors, continuity, story arc, grammar, and punctuation.

Which brings me onto the question of what exactly is editing anyway? Technically, editing is the process of selecting and preparing writing through the processes of correction, condensation, organization, and other modifications performed with the intention of producing a correct, consistent, accurate, and complete work.

In general, when you edit you’re taking a piece of writing and (hopefully) making it better. 

Let’s break it down further into the actual types of editing. I believe that there’s four main types:

1.       Copyediting or copy editing – both spellings are correct. This is usually the final editing a manuscript goes through before publishing. It requires someone who has patience, an eye for detail and a thorough understanding of the rules of grammar, plus a good sense of when to use them. Also called line editing. Copy editors are primarily concerned with the nuts and bolts of a piece; grammar, word choice, punctuation, and spelling.

2.       Proofreading - similar to copyediting. The term comes from the idea of ‘proving’ or correcting a manuscript. Normally associated more with shorter manuscripts. Also refers to proofreader’s marks recognized by publishers. Proofreading marks are not used as much today because so much editing happens on the computer without paper. This is the simplest form of editing and is also usually the cheapest. Proofreading is for writers who don't need help with sentence structure or the content of the book itself, but need someone to simply go over the text for basic grammatical and spelling errors.

3.       Rewrite, substantive, or substantial editing – I’m not sure why we call rewriting editing, except it has to do with fixing an existing manuscript. Rewriting is just that and it can be as difficult or even more challenging than starting from scratch. Like copyediting, rewriting is a specialized skill. Often good re-writers are not good copyeditors and vice versa – the skills are distinct. In fiction editing, the substantive editor examines plot flow, themes, and character development.

4.       Developmental editing – here the editor works with the client right from the beginning, helping the author develop the concept from start to finish. Usually associated with books and screenwriting. The developmental edit is a huge process sometimes involving ghostwriting. The developmental editor may rewrite sections where the author is stuck. He or she may give ideas on how the story could move forward, or suggest a new avenue or a new character to be introduced or removed. 

You may see variations on the above terms, but generally even those will fall somewhere within these definitions.

Here’s a personal tip from me. I use a website that wasn’t originally developed for editing, but is very useful anyway – the Wordle website at http://www.wordle.net/

Wordle is used to create 'beautiful word clouds', but this handy tool also highlights in big bold print all of the words you overused. The more you use them the bigger and bolder they are in the word cloud. I use it to ensure that I’m not overusing a particular word. Once recognised, I use the 'find' function in my word processor to remove or replace them.

As an examples, here's the word cloud for this blog post...

Picture
Any words there that I’ve obviously over used?

So, what will editing cost?
When I was searching for an editor I was contacted, via a ‘hashtagged’ twitter request, by the below person who seems knowledgeable, experienced and has some very good testimonials. A quick trawl of her website found the below indicative pricing:

Copyediting: 
£200 / $300 per 20,000 words

Proofreading:
£160 / $250 per 20,000 words

Substantial editing: 
£260 / $400 per 20,000 words

Developmental editing: 
£1,600 / $2,500 per 5,000 words. 

Source: The Word Queen http://thewordqueen.com/

The UK Society for Editors and Proofreaders publishes suggested minimum freelance rates here:
http://www.sfep.org.uk/pub/mship/minimum_rates.asp

In the US, the Editorial Freelancers Association publishes a similar range of fees here:
http://www.the-efa.org/res/rates.php

So, how do you find an editor and what should you look for? The first thing I would look for is training or qualifications. These could be specialist editorial courses, but the minimum I would look for is a degree in English. Next, I would look for experience, preferably experience in the area of editing that you’re looking for. Their website should highlight their experience, and hopefully testimonials and recommendations from delighted former clients. If they’re new to editing then I would look for a career in professional writing, something like journalism, publishing, or even PR.

Then I would look for someone with similar interests to your subject area. For me it was someone who edits science fiction and supernatural fiction. There’s very little point in asking someone who edits only romance novels to edit your latest fantasy epic. Similarly, your editor may require specialist knowledge if you’re writing is aimed at professionals in a given area, or contains details that you may need checking. Something that comes to mind is if you’ve written a police procedural work or something containing military details. Of course, an editor is no substitute for research!

I would also want someone with good communications skills, primarily so they can explain why I need to delete my cherished prose. Obviously, they should display good judgement when suggesting changes. They should also work efficiently, especially if charging by the hour, and keep deadlines. Few things in life are worse than waiting expectantly for your polished masterpiece to be returned to you.

Finally, I would want someone who ferociously reads a wide variety of genres and styles.

My recommendation for finding an editor would be by personal recommendation. If you’ve got no one to recommend someone then search online and use testimonials or examples of work. There are also directories and organisations who can put you in contact with editors, such as the UK Society for Editors and Proofreaders, or the American Editorial Freelancers Association. I also asked for help via a hashtagged request on Twitter. The Proof Professor at http://www.proofprofessor.com/ answered.

In case you’re interested, I chose a new editor with no experience, who has an English degree, has worked in PR, reads constantly and dislikes sci-fi intensively, with the exception of Margaret Atwood. Go figure.

Killing your favourite children – how it feels to be edited:
No matter how objective you are, how much you understand intellectually that the editor will improve your work, being edited can still feel like removing your own genitals with rusty nail clippers. Your magnus opus is covered in red pen and you’re advised, nay expected, to rip out its’ guts and make the demanded changes. 

Actually, in reality, in most cases they’re simple, straight forward spelling, punctuation and grammar changes that improve the work. Sometimes, they’re suggestions to change sentence structure or lose words that improve the writing. Occasionally, just occasionally, they’re proposals that lift the work to a whole new level.

So is it worth the heartache and money? At the end of the process, you’ll have a well written piece, that scans well, is efficient, to the point and a whole lot better than your original work. And you’ll be thrilled with it.

Let me give you an example from my own work. Below is the before and after text of an excerpt from my short story “Hope”.

My original text, pre-editing:
The thought concerned how majestic he had once thought the world beneath him to be, how pure from human faults it had seemed, how almost divine it had once appeared.

Edited text, post editor’s suggestions:
How majestic the world beneath him had seemed; how pure from human faults, how almost divine in nature.

Which one do you prefer? 



Hopefully, I’ve demonstrated why you need editing, what it is, how much it will cost, where you will get it from, how to choose an editor, how it feels to be edited and the undeniable value of being edited.

It may seem a little strange that my first non-diary blog was about one of the end processes. But I guess that’s just because I’m at the editing stage right now (early March) in the process of creating my own first ebook (an anthology of sci-fi short stories called “Memes of Loss and Devotion”). My coming blogs will be more about the processes and disciplines when the page is blank. More about my tips and techniques of getting to the editing stage.

I’ve got loads of ideas for future blogs. It’s time to write them that I’m short of. If there’s anything in particular you want me to write about then just let me know. I’ll be only too willing to offer advice if I can.

In the meantime, check out my news page to stay in the loop. My first ebook is coming as fast as I can possibly get it to you.

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Not really a blog…

9/3/2013

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This is not really a true, proper blog entry – the next one proper will come soon – instead this is a sort of diary update on what I’ve been doing since the first blog back in Oct 2012. (Was it really FIVE months ago when I last blogged? Sorry about that.)

I decide that the anthology book of my short stories should come first because I mistakenly thought it would be the least work of the two. So, I halted work on the ‘Fomalhaut’ novel to start the anthology, mainly because a new section from the book had become a short story in it its own right (“Seduction Games”), and also because a completely new story (“Death Ship”) was screaming to be written.

Back in November, the short story collection didn’t even have a name. Then one day in mid November, when driving to work, it just came to me - "Memes of Loss and Devotion". (Tell me what you think of the title!) ‘Meme’ because I hope they become mind worms. ‘Loss’ because a lot of them seem to be about loss, especially the noble agony of break ups. Finally, devotion because it took a lot of devotion to create this book and because some of the characters display it.

Around this time I created my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/darrenwhit3). Why have only 21 of you liked it? I then stupidly announced that “Memes”would be released later in November. Which at that point gave me just 12 days to write the new stories, brush up the existing 13 stories, get them edited, make a cover, create a kindle account, convert the file to .mobi etc, etc. I didn’t make it. In the next month I did write three new stories though, two of which are amongst the best things I’ve ever written…

A month later I came to the inevitable conclusion that I’d have to push the release date back into the ‘New Year’.

A month later, over the xmas break, I finally, finally completed all 15 pre edited versions of the stories. This weighed in at well over 65,000 words. Almost a novel length in its own right. I finished them then did absolutely nothing with them for over six weeks. Mainly, because I spent the whole time working the ideas behind a new short - "We Love The Legacy". It’s no exaggeration to say that the concepts and ideas from this story could possibly completely reset the context of "Memes.." and even the "Fomalhaut" novel. When will I learn to stop tinkering? So far, I’ve not made any changes to the shorts, but I will definitely make changes to the novel.

I have a vague plan to use “Legacy” as a competition entry to gain publicity for my other writing. We’ll see if it’s good enough...

At the start of February, I pulled my finger out, and decide to find an editor (more to come about that in the next proper actual blog). Twelve short days later I had an editor and they had the first two of my stories delivered to them for editing.

Just two weeks later (25th Feb 2013), the first edited story, "Hope", had been returned by the editor, covered in red pen, and I had re-written the story, revising it from the editors notes. Along the way, I’d lost 200 hundred precious, hard-fought words. It felt like killing your children but the story was better for it and every single change was fully justified. (Like I said, I’ll tell you more about how this felt and the editing process in my next blog). I even gave away the story on my website (http://www.darrenwhite.co/free-stuff.html) as a free Kindle file sample. Please let me know what you think of it. That felt like real progress, and maybe I could start to think about light at the end of a very long tunnel? Oh well, that’s one short story down, and just fourteen more to go...

At the beginning of March, I uploaded the short story "Hope" to 5 websites. (Bookrix, Booksie, FreeStoriesCenter, ShortStories101 & Wattpad – you can find links in the News section of my website - http://www.darrenwhite.co/news.html ). It had at least 60 reads in the first day alone! Which was great but it would be even greater if I could get a comment/feedback, a Facebook like or even a new mail list member from this! So far it’s had over 200 reads as per 8th March 2013. On one site the current stats are: 204 reads and 5 stars from 2 people. (http://www.shortstories101.com/science-fiction-short-stories/hope-3203.html).

I then added the Free Stuff section (freebies, downloads, samples, excerpts, etc.) to the website. (http://www.darrenwhite.co/free-stuff.html) There’s still more to come... In fact, if you look closely, there’s even an entire short film script hidden somewhere in the site…

My second edited short story ("Seduction Games") was returned by my editor at the beginning of March. Once updated, I decided that I’m going to also give this one away as a free sample in the Free Stuff page of my website, because I'm nice like that. Delayed by many changes to the website, I finally completed the re-write three days later. This is a new story and there was a lot less to correct, so ultimately it was just five words shorter at the end of the editing process. Although, I added and removed a lot more than just 5 words! I immediately posted it to my website. That’s now two down, thirteen to go... Come on editor, keep them coming!

And that’s where I’m at. Rest assured that I’m working as hard and as fast as I can to get these stories out to you as soon as possible. My next couple of blogs should also be far more ‘meaty’ and more than just a diary updates, but I wanted to let you know that I’m still working, and also how long and hard the process is.

Anyway,
I just wanted to keep you in the loop.

KEPRSURUCVXD

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 My journey to ebook author starts here...

15/10/2012

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This is where it publicly starts. It's not the start of the road but it's not the end either. I can't wait for people to start reading my stuff but I'm not quite there yet.

Let me explain. While at uni in the early 90's I started writing short stories on a house mate's PC. I'd written short stories at school and my English teacher had even suggested collecting them together.The person sat next to me liked to read them, but that was a far as it went. I've since lost everyone of those hand written stories. 

But the difference now was that I was saving them electronically, and I would never lose them again. (Although I did have to buy a USB  3.5" floppy drive to access some of them recently!). I wrote about 12 good ones in the next few years.

Fast forward a few more years to the summer that I graduated from Uni and in the 6 weeks I spent hunting for my first post grad job, I wrote a ~80k word sci fi novel, called "theFomalhautPlague". I touted it around a bit but got no where, i.e. no one wanted to publish it or represent me. So I forgot about it and instead turned to screenplay writing for the next few years (with some very, very minor success).

So, this novel languished on my hard drive for a few years, until near the end of the 90's when I picked it up again and gave it a minor re-write. Again I tried to get it published but to no avail.

I forgot all about my lifelong ambition to be a writer and concentrated on my career. Towards the end of the first decade of the 21st century I started to become aware of ebooks and that some (traditionally) unpublished writers found an audience via them. I mulled this over for (quite) a years, but did nothing.

Earlier this year (2012), I decide enough was enough. I had a finished novel which a few people even told me they liked. I'd re-written it twice. All I'd have to do is pat it on the bottom and send it out into the world as a ebook. So I started the tiny process of just 'checking it over'.

I found structural problems, a sci fi novel with dated or none existent technology, unclear themes and God awful names. So I started correcting it in the spare time when I wasn't working. Six to seven months later I'm approximately two thirds of the way through with some new scenes to write to fix a timing issue.

While fixing the novel I got my short stories together and thought they'd make a decent second ebook. I've even written a really good new one with the idea for another one driving me crazy daily. I'll have to reread and edit them too. I have no idea how long that might take.

In the meantime I started searching the internet for anything else I'd need to do  before I could finally give public birth to my (problem) child. To my dismay, I found that I'd needed a proof reader, a pro cover, a Facebook page, a website and a blog. All of this scared me half to death and I forgot it and just kept on writing.

But there it was - niggle, niggle. niggle. So this weekend I made a website  then late one night I wrote my first blog, which you're just finishing reading.

Oh, and the novel? Well, it's still months away. But this weekend I broke through two important barriers. And as I said, my journey to ebook author starts here...


I'll keep you in the loop.


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    darrenwhite - sci fi author, film buff & SAFC fam

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